The Lead Character Chronicles

Shame (2011)

2012-02-09T01:25:00.003+08:00

A few years ago, Lead Character spent the night at a guy's place, didn't get any sleep, and had to get to work at eight in the morning. By seven, he asked the guy for his soap, shampoo, and towel. The guy's room didn't have a bathroom so Lead Character had to use the communal shower where he had to wait in line and suffer the curious looks of the other tenants.

Lead Character felt like throwing up. For him, it was the height of self-loathing.

In 94 minutes, the movie Shame by Steve McQueen brought that feeling back. Even without much of a story to follow, the inner turmoil in Brandon (the fucking beautiful Michael Fassbender) pulled Lead Character in. He had expected a lot of eroticism, only to be surprised by a hard slap in the face. (The sex scenes weren't erotic at all, in Lead Character's opinion, but the damn movie still made his head spin.)

Best part of the movie: that scene where Brandon let the guy smell his finger.

Worst part: seeing it end.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

2012-02-06T01:12:00.002+08:00

Watching David Fincher's adaptation of Stieg Larsson's The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo was almost just like reading the book. It was lengthy and slow, but compelling nonetheless. There were a few differences, though. If I remember correctly, Martin Vanger's house is not as modern as it is in the movie. They also tweaked the ending in a big way, but not so big that it would implicate subplots in the second movie. What was impressive, though, was how they stuck with the location. I thought they would drop Sweden and make it U.S. I'd expected that Mikhael Blomkvist would be a New Yorker and the Vangers Alaskan. Something to that effect.

If I were asked which was better, the book or the movie, I would say I don't care, but do watch the movie still because of Rooney Mara's performance. The Best Actress trophy at the Oscars would probably go to Meryl Streep or Michelle Williams this year, but hell, Rooney Mara's performance, in my opinion, makes her a leading contender. Her take on Lisbeth Salander was just spot on. She would still have probably nailed it even if she was dressed like a Malibu Barbie instead of the signature S&M look of Lisbeth. Daniel Craig didn't shine much in this movie. He was effortless, yes, but it was hard to outshine the Lisbeth Salander character. He did have the raw sexual magnetism, though, of a dancing Channing Tatum.

One huge disappointment: the post-movie dinner at Brown Cup. Their pesto butter pork chop was dry and seemed hurried. It wasn't raw or anything, it just didn't seem well-marinated. But that didn't have anything to do with the movie, so... hehe.

Of an Art Form and Its Gods

2012-01-30T01:07:00.002+08:00

When news broke that the Fashion Institute of the Philippines (FIP) was opening its doors in Cebu, Lead Character got excited. Hell, he got more excited about it than when he learned Krispy Kreme was finally opening branches in the city. Lead Character isn't really big on fashion--he's even awkward when it comes to it--but he supports the industry wholeheartedly, and hopes that one day local designers' works are the sartorial preference of everyone.

Last night, FIP had a grand launching show and party at the Ayala Terraces. Lead Character was lucky to have gotten an invitation to the event from his dear friend, and FIP alumnus, Punky. The event was a lot more enjoyable than Lead Character had expected. It was the first time he'd ever witnessed a live runway fashion show, which turned out to be more than just that. It was pageantry infused with rock music, opera, latin beats, art, six-pack abs, indulgence, wine, amuse-bouche binging, fashion, and six-pack abs.

For Lead Character, the show was such a success that he even considered enrolling at the FIP, perhaps to make bags.

Here are a few of Lead Character's favorite things about the evening.

Catering from SumoSam, which was fantastic.

FIP President Renee Salud's opening remarks, which was short.
Lead Character hates long speeches that no one really listens to.

That guy.

In the spirit of gender equality, that girl.

This shot, because it makes Lead Character laugh.
That guy was up there for a full minute. True story!

The soprano singer, who isn't in the photo above.

Spanish Plum

2012-01-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

short fiction

Even though you were technically my second boyfriend, and the seventh man I’ve been in bed with, you were my first of many things. First real love, first meeting with the parents, first live-in arrangement, first (and only) abortion, among other firsts. You were practically my first glimpse, corny as it sounds, of eternity.

We first met on a rainy August afternoon. August 11th, 2003, I remember. My boss couldn’t meet you due to an impromptu lunch meeting with execs from Manila so he asked me to meet with you quickly, check your mood boards, and then reschedule your meeting with my boss for some time after. You were twenty minutes late, and you apologized incessantly. I didn’t mind because you were soaking wet from the rain and your eyes made my knees wobble. You have the kindest eyes I’ve ever seen: big, round, and hazel because of your Spanish blood, as you later explained to me—which makes me want to ask now: how exactly Spanish are you? You last name is Lam-ang. It doesn’t sound Spanish at all. At least, not for me. And I’ve met your parents. They were both from Butuan, none of whom has a hint of Spanish blood. I wish during the two years that we were together I was able to ask you if you were adopted or an illegitimate child, but I was always afraid you would flare up again.

You got pissed after I told you my boss couldn’t make it, which made you even more attractive to me. I always had this thing for pumped-up gentlemen. Of course, you didn’t tell me you were pissed, and you did your best to hide it, but all your uncontrollable hissing was very effectual. And I, pathetic single woman, couldn’t help but appease you. So I told you I loved your presentation, and that I could actually make decisions for my boss so your pitch was as good as approved. It lightened your mood and it pleased me. I wanted to see you again.

I saw you again the week after, when you met with my boss in his office. Your meeting ended pretty well and your pitch, as I had promised it, was approved. On your way out, you passed by my desk, and you asked me out. I was on cloud nine.

Our first date went so well that I felt right then that you were the one, the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Perhaps you felt the same because you asked me out again even before our date was over. And I guess I should carry the burden of the blame. I pretended to love Stanley Kubrick. You were a huge Kubrick fan and I took advantage of it. So we talked primarily of A Clockwork Orange and Full Metal Jacket, as though they were as simple as the weather. I never told you that the only reason I’d seen those movies is that my boss is a huge Kubrick fan himself and he made me watch them. This led me to believe that your pitch was approved not because of my urging but because of the shared fandom you had with Sir Larry.

I loved Sir Larry as a boss. I ended up as more than just his PA but a best friend as well. And I should say that much of how we turned out at first was also because of him. He enjoyed seeing us together, so he made sure I got to spend time with you as much as possible.

So this led us to our first night together. After three weeks of dinners out and cups of coffee and Kubrick marathons at your place, I put out—the longest that I ever held out for a guy. Before you, I slept with men on the first and only date; I never dated the same guy twice. There’s no denying that you were indeed special. There was something about your love for the cinema, your passion for your job as an account executive/copywriter with that now-defunct advertising firm, and your self-proclaimed Spanish blood that made me want you to get to know me better, to appreciate me. So I put out that night, and I felt like I was losing my virginity again. I was nervous as hell. But you, damn you, made me feel so special, so appreciated. That night I knew that I was falling deeper and deeper, and I got scared.

I got less scared, though, when we made love again. And again. And again. And all that fear diminished completely when we started to do it almost on a daily basis. So after three months of going out, all I could think of was having sex with you. Sometimes I’d get wet while at work thinking about having sex with you. And I’m very sorry but I never told you this: I got so horny one time in the office that I fucked the janitor. It was an impulse thing. I was longing for you but you were in Baguio that week for a conference.

This had been quite acknowledged between us, but I have to tell you again: I loved your cock. It’s red and shiny, its head plump and healthy like a sineguelas, and its shaft a fat, crooked thing that felt so good inside me. And I made the stupid mistake of saying it out loud. “Your cock head is like a sineguelas.” Secretly, I thought that was the only Spanish in you. It made you laugh then, but it started the euphemism that you so enjoyed saying over and over.

Do you want sineguelas after dinner?

Come to my place for lunch. Have some sineguelas.

Sineguelas for breakfast?

And sineguelas it was: morning, noon, and night. I especially loved it when you plowed into me like a jackhammer. You were the first guy to ever make me scream with pleasure. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, you were the first man to ever give me an orgasm, and multiple orgasms at that. And it wasn’t just about the sineguelas. When you ate my pussy it drove me crazy. Your tongue knew its way in and out and I always ended up looking for something to grab. I would pull on the blanket, throw pillows around, pull on my hair and squeeze my own tits, because that was how wild you drove me. I probably came a million times the whole time I was with you, because you never rested until I fell unconscious from sheer exhaustion, and by then I’d already cum about ten times.

On our fifth month together, while you were driving me back to my apartment, you told me you loved me. I cried. You may not have known this, but I cried. I didn’t tell you back that I loved you, too, but when I got into my room I cried really hard. I cried so hard I started masturbating just as hard. Because I did love you, too. I was just too petrified to say it back.

A few days after you professed your love, I finally found the courage to tell you. You looked so happy back then that you asked me to move in with you. I said yes. Little did I know that saying yes was the start of the terror I never thought you were capable of causing me.

At first things weren’t that bad. The sex was still fantastic. And it gave us the freedom to do whatever we wanted. You would fuck me on the kitchen sink, on the kitchen table, on the coffee table in the living room, in the laundry room, on the bathroom floor. You even enjoyed fucking me in the terrace noontimes on Sundays, because the apartment building was usually empty on Sundays as your neighbors always went to the mall. But I do remember a couple of times hearing some cheering from the opposite apartment while you fucked me doggy-style.

I loved it when you fucked me doggy-style. Your sineguelas hit my G-spot quite deftly while you rubbed my clit with your fingers. It totally drove me crazy that was why I didn’t mind being watched.

But then things started to go downhill. Probably it was because we were getting too familiar that you started showing your true colors. You started to get honest, and for the most part your honesty hurt.

You told me that you weren’t particularly fond of my blowjob.

It depressed me like hell. I felt inadequate. You asked for a deep-throat, which was something I wasn’t capable of doing yet. Because I didn’t even like giving head then; I always ended up gagging, all choked and teary-eyed. Hence I tried something awful, one that caused us to not speak to each other for weeks. You do remember, right? You probably don’t want me to mention this now, but yeah, I did it so you would know it wasn’t easy giving blowjobs. When we had that threesome with Tirso, your high school friend, I intentionally pushed your head down so you could blow him. And you slapped my hand away, staring at me with disbelief. To be honest, I thought you were OK with it because you did make out with him, and the way the two of you were kissing made me believe it wasn’t the first kiss you shared.

So we didn’t talk for a few weeks. That was also the time that I found out I was pregnant. So you couldn’t blame me if I decided to induce an abortion. I had no idea if we were on the verge of breaking up or not, and I was unsure if the baby was yours or Tirso’s because you assholes both ejaculated inside me. But then, when I couldn’t stop bleeding and had to be taken to the hospital, we made up. It was the kind of kiss-and-make-up that made me the saddest woman in the world. Because I always thought I was pro-life, and being with you made me say goodbye to a lot of principles I never thought I would be able to let go just like that. So it wasn’t just the pro-life thing. You made me the kind of woman who would bend over backwards just to please a man.

And yet, I stayed for another year. And I continued with the task of pleasing you.

Our office janitor became my cock-for-practice. I was still intent on giving you the best blowjob but you never told me how you wanted it done. All you did was tell me I wasn’t doing it right. Our office janitor was different. He would tell me when to do it slowly, when to go fast, which part of my mouth I should rub his cock head with, and most importantly, he gave me all the time in the world to learn how to deep-throat. You did nothing but thrust your hips forward and push my head down. You never waited for me to get ready. Joseph always let me do my own thing. And in two week’s time, I was able to reel his cock into my mouth until my lips touched his pubes. And I didn’t gag.

Don’t you remember that one night when I sucked you in and out masterfully that you came three times in my mouth? Yes, I’d gotten all the practice for that from Joseph the janitor. And that night, after driving you crazy with my technique, I started entertaining the thought of leaving you. But I still stayed for a few weeks more. And then things got worse.

You asked me to swallow.

I never wanted to. It was the last thing on my mind. But since I got so good, you were addicted to it. You even stopped pointing your sineguelas into my vagina. All it pointed to was my mouth. And I missed your sineguelas inside my pussy, the way you fucked me real hard to kingdom come.

Swallowing your load was the worst thing ever. Primarily because it was too pungent in taste that I couldn’t stop burping after. Even after I gargled Listerine and drank glasses of water, I still burped and burped. And I burped and burped the next day. The burping stopped at lunchtime when I downed two cans of Sprite. I promised myself never to swallow cum again.

So I left you. Yes, this decision had been too sudden, especially for you. I thought I could stay longer to see if things could still work out, but finding the engagement ring in your drawer was an eye-opener for me. If I stayed and waited for you to come home from work, I knew I couldn’t say no if you proposed in person. And I couldn’t live the rest of my life always wanting to please you.

So goodbye, my love.

I still love you, Chris, but I have to start loving myself more. May you soon find someone better suited for you.

Love,

Nora
xoxo

Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of Others)

2012-01-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

Year: 2006
Country: Germany

*** *** *** *** ***

There are movies that are touching, but that’s what they only end up doing: touch; they never go past your skin (e.g., My Best Friend’s Wedding, North Country). There are also a few movies that do go past your skin, but fall short at piercing through your soul (e.g., Love Actually, Magnifico, Atonement). But every once in a while, you get lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) and you get to see a movie that pierces through so deep it speaks with your soul (e.g., Jerry Maguire, Magnolia). This is the case for me with The Lives of Others.

Set in 1984 in East Berlin, an agent of the Stasi spying on a playwright and his lover becomes engrossed with their lives that he ends up challenged as to where his loyalties lie.Sure, there’s nothing much in the premise that could indicate a life-altering experience, but how the events unfold in the story is just breathtaking. By the end of it, I got to wonder if it is really that possible to give up someone you love over your own freedom and passion. And in life, just how good enough is a few choices? And just how much sacrifice does it take to be a good person?The Lives of Others inspires those kinds of questions. I think now that if a movie can inspire questions like those in me, then perhaps it deserves a spot in my top ten.

Someone wise once told me that there are no good or bad movies; just movies you learn more from. I think it’s quite chilling if you learn something about yourself just by watching a movie. And The Lives of Others indeed is chilling in this regard.

*** *** *** *** ***

Written and Directed by: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Starring: Ulrich Mühe, Martina Gedeck, Sebastian Koch, Ulrich Tukur

An Open Letter to Soap Opera Writers/Creators in the Philippines

2012-01-27T01:00:00.000+08:00

How's it hanging?

I hope you are all in good health because I am not. I am just about to get completely well from an unexplained fever (scary!), which has caused me backlogs in both of my full-time and project-based jobs, but despite that, I am finding the time to write you.

Before anything else, I would like to stress that I am not writing this as a fellow writer, but as an audience member. I am barely a writer in my own right, so I cannot use that card when I give you tips on how to improve on your craft.

One of the most memorable job interviews I had was for a position in a film production company. I was asked what my favorite TV show was. My answer, without so much as a blink of an eye, was "Lost." The interviewer then asked me if the Philippines was ready for a TV show like "Lost." My answer was an all-caps NO, explaining that our local channels have just begun remaking old materials that weren't even good to begin with, so how can they possibly be ready for a TV show like "Lost"?

Looking back at that now, I realize that I was too quick to pull the trigger. Creatively, yes, YOU are ready. You can surely come up with something just as good as "Lost," you are just too afraid to do so. But there shouldn't be any reason to be afraid anymore. If you think about it, every Filipino on Facebook has an American TV show as their favorite. Everyone I know who download via torrent or stream off Megavideo understands the complexities of American TV-show storytelling. Hell, not only do they get American humor but British humor as well. And those people are in the very demographics that your advertisers need. So what the eff is holding you back? You had some progress when you did "100 Days to Heaven," but then you regressed with a piece of shit like "Budoy." Again, what the eff?

Here are some pointers that you might find useful in coming up with your next project(s):

1. Cut lengthy crying scenes. We already know what is causing that character pain, but to indulge them for a full minute of nonstop wailing? Yes, this includes burial scenes. We already know people who die get buried, and that their loved ones cry, you do not have to show EVERY SINGLE THING!

2. Enough with the separated-at-birth storylines. This is not readily identifiable by everyone. Most viewers know who their real parents are. Surely, there must be other plots you can play around with that call for climactic endings other than a biological parent-child reunion.

3. Consult professional experts. If your scene involves lawyers or anything of legal nature, consult real-life lawyers on how that scene should go. Same goes for anything medical; consult real-life doctors. So many times have you made real-life doctors cringe at carelessly executed ER and OR scenes. If you already have consultants, get better ones.

4. Flesh out your characters, even the antagonists. Most of your characters are two-dimensional. Even kontrabidas need to relate to us like real people. Stop exaggerating their actions relative to their motivations.

5. Be relevant. How about, instead of simply coming up with tearjerkers, you come up with something meaningful? How about a commentary on the Philippine government? Instead of erroneously telling us that lightning can cure autism, you show, um, as an example, how religion can corrupt a society, or whatever it is that you stand for.

I'm sure there are a lot more you can improve on, but it's already late and I still have to write my open letter to the Philippine music industry, which might be so full of expletives it will make Regine Velasquez's head explode.

I guess what this all boils down to is for you to think of yourselves again as that young writer who never had a project yet, who was but an audience member at the time. Didn't you dream of becoming great? Didn't you plan of starting a revolution? Didn't you want to change the landscape of Philippine TV? If you did, then it's not too late yet.

Be great. Start a revolution. Change the landscape of Philippine TV.

Love,

Lead Character

Losing Cakewalker's

2012-01-25T12:00:00.000+08:00

Several months ago, Lead Character and his friends found out one of their favorite hangouts, Pod5, had closed down. Pod5 was phenomenal not exactly for the karaoke but for one of its signature drinks, Blue Imagination. It was tasty and heavenly and so strong that halfway through a pitcher, one of you might start dancing to the beats coming from Formo downstairs, and another might be going on a drunk-texting rampage, and others might even start leaving to look for regrettable one-night stands.

Until now, Lead Character is still grieving it. There was news that went around, though, that Pod5 had transferred to Club Ultima, but that is yet to be confirmed.

The other day, Lead Character found out that another favorite hangout of his and his friends had closed down.

Yes, the coziest coffee shop in town, despite their so-so beverages and sluggish Wi-Fi, is no more.

What are they taking away from Lead Character next? This???

NO!!!!!

Lead Character in 2012

2012-01-24T23:46:00.003+08:00

This is over three weeks overdue but Lead Character would like to greet everyone a Happy New Year.

Yes, perhaps this would not have been as tardy if Lead Character greeted everyone with a Chinese New Year sentimentality, but Lead Character is neither Chinese nor sentimental. Well, perhaps not completely. Lead Character looks a little Chinese when he's sleepy or drunk, and most especially when he's sleepy and drunk at the same time. And he's kind of sentimental, especially when he decides to finally regroup and think about things that he is to expect this year.

5. Follow a clearer career path. Nope, Lead Character has not documented anything here about what he really wants to do in life. But that's because he doesn't know what it is exactly. All he knows is that it involves an Oscar statuette and $1B.

4. Get inked. He now has the design, yes. But not the body part for it yet. Well, he knows which body part, it's just not ideally formed enough yet. Yes, yes, dammit, he wants a tattoo on his belly. What does his belly look like right now? You don't want to know. And if you do, you shouldn't.

3. Lose weight. Not exactly for aesthetics purposes. He doesn't need aesthetics (ha ha!). This is solely for the tattoo (ha ha!).

2. Write more. Get published again. Send an entry to the Palanca awards. Win or lose, it doesn't really matter. At least one blog entry per day to start with. Ambitious? Well, if others can do it, there's no reason why a Renaissance man (ha ha!) like Lead Character can't. Well, there is one reason: Procrastination. Embarrasingly, Lead Character's affair with Procrastination has now bordered on sexual.

1. The one thing why all those four things are expected this year. They're all for this first one. Later this year, maybe October, maybe November. You'll see, you'll see.

Lead Characterisms

2011-10-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

Over the years, Lead Character has let go of some of the wisest pieces of advice for his friends. He’s never documented any of it, but he realizes now that it’s about time that he does.

Lead Characterism can be a movement, much like Ayn Rand’s Objectivism. And no, this isn’t entirely narcissistic as Lead Characterism does not have to be about Lead Character himself, but to anyone who wants to be the lead character in the movie of their lives. Lead Character has met hundreds of people. The 434 friends in his Facebook profile is but a pinch. There’s probably 20 more that haven’t added him up yet. And of those 454 people that he’s met in his entire lifetime, only a handful has shown that they are lead characters. Just like Lead Character, most people just do not have the balls to be in the spotlight and just settle for being sidekicks or (gasp!) extras.

So do not be a sidekick or an (gasp!) extra anymore. Learn from Lead Character.

Physics and Calculus have opposing definitions when it comes to Love. In Physics, Love is like Energy; it can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be transferred. In Calculus, Love = DNE. It would make sense for Lead Character to go with Calculus. Because with Calculus, it would follow that Pain = DNE. Because think about it. What happens when you lose Energy? You get backlogs at work!
In a post-apocalyptic world, the only useful people are doctors, architects, carpenters, and farmers. But perhaps during idle time while rebuilding society, performers, especially comedians, will come in handy. Athletes will be very useful, too, but not as athletes. The scary part is that for sure, politicians will still push for themselves as important.
There is no such thing as pre-marital sex if you do not intend to or cannot get married. For some, it's simply pre-dinner, or pre-2012. Hopefully, though, not pre-school or postmortem.
It is fine to be stuck in the past, just not physically.
In Third World culinary, white vinegar and Sprite can be substitute for white wine.
If someone steals your cell phone, steal it right back.
If you let the cat out of the bag, be prepared for it to go “meow!”
Do not let a tiger out of the bag. Never!
Lesbians are fun to hang out with.
Cameron Diaz is annoying.
What looks like a wart can be a tumor all along. Do not attempt to cauterize it with Lion-Tiger katol. Consult your doctor.
When you have no sense of direction, the less things upset you.
There’s no such thing as living in the moment. You can be having fun with your friends, seemingly enjoying yourself, but there’s always that thing hovering about you that you cannot get rid of: it could be issues at home, an ex you still can’t get over, or an ingrown nail.
Find humor in your heartache and you’ll be fine.

That’s all that Lead Character can remember for now. Until next time!

No Other Woman (2011)

2011-10-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

A former American boss Lead Character had once said: "Cover your ears, Lead Character, because you are not going to like what I am about to say." Then he turned to his colleague. "So many people here cheat. Cheating is like an epidemic in this country."

Lead Character squirmed in his seat. He didn't quite get why his boss would say such a thing, when in the U.S., their former President, while in office, was caught sticking his dick in an intern's mouth.

Thankfully, the colleague answered: "But it's not just here. Cheating is everywhere."

Right on! But the bigger challenge may be here in the Philippines, because when a spouse cheats, you do not have the option to divorce. So how Filipinos handle infidelity is not so much as easy as handling it in the U.S., where you can just threaten your spouse of taking everything he/she's got.

Such challenge is portrayed admirably in the movie No Other Woman, directed by Ruel S. Bayani, written by Kris Gazmen, Jay Fernando, and Keiko Aquino. Admirable because everything is so hammy right off the bat it's hardly real life. The very first scene finds Cara (Anne Curtis) emerging from the water as if she were in a canned tuna commercial. She just walks towards the shore with brazen sexuality, without even tilting her head repeatedly to get seawater off her ear. And that's how Lead Character found the movie admirable. They could have taken themselves too seriously and Lead Character would have puked inside the theater. Instead, it was done with a kind of self-ridicule that Lead Character is not unfamiliar with.

The series of banters between the mistress, Cara, and the wife, Sharmaine (Christine Reyes), is an instant classic. Mistresses and wives in real life will now have something to say to each other without having to go on an all-out catfight. They will now settle with sarcasm, with repressed rage pulsing desperately to erupt. Instead of talking about their husbands directly, they will use designer bags as an allusion to their men.

Lead Character cannot blame the long line at the theaters on the movie's opening day. The trailer was deemed one of the best everyone has seen in recent years. The last movie trailer that affected Lead Character so much was the one for I Am Sam (2001), only to get disappointed upon watching the movie itself. But No Other Woman did not disappoint. Its trailer really was just the tip of the iceberg. The movie contained more classic banters between Cara and Sharmaine that one could hope for, and even more memorable lines from Sharmaine's mother (Carmi Martin), that despite Lead Character's plan of sleeping through the movie, he stayed up the whole time.

When the husband, Ram (Derek Ramsay), was caught with a hickey on his neck, he just maintained that he was stung by a jellyfish. So Sharmaine's mother commented: "Ganyan talaga pag galing sa makakating dikya. . .nagmamarka." ("That's how it is if it comes from itchy jellyfish. . .it leaves a mark.")

Who the hell can sleep through that?

Seriously, No Other Woman is that fun. So fun that you don't want it to end, especially that it has a lazy ending. Because the writers probably ran out of ideas on how to end the story properly, they relied on the best way to resolve problems: a life-threatening vehicular accident.

Yes, that's a spoiler. Ram gets into a car accident, forcing Cara to back away and Sharmaine to forgive her husband.

So to sum everything up: it's a fun movie, but you already know the ending, so don't watch it.

Rakenrol (2011)

2011-09-23T01:43:00.002+08:00

Rakenrol by Quark Henares is one of those movies that, after watching, makes you just want to head on home and write a scathing review of.

Lead Character was a fan of Quark Henares's writing. He has a friend who went to Ateneo for college and used to give Lead Character copies of Heights, the literary portfolio of their school. Quark Henares had short stories there that stood out. Lead Character felt that this young helmer had huge potential in defining a generation through films. When Quark Henares came out with Gamitan (2002), Lead Character was excited, but was ultimately disappointed. He thought Rakenrol would change all that, hoping that it would be our answer to Almost Famous.

Not. A. Chance.

What would have made the film better was if the fictional band in there, Hapipaks, were actually good. But they weren't. The lead vocalist, Irene, played by Glaiza de Castro, sang like Dina Bonnevie back when she had a career in music. And their songs were--for lack of better word--bleh. It's sacrilegious because they got cameos from Sugarfree and Ely Buendia, and they should have been in better movies.

The only good things about the movie were the character Jacci Rocha (Diether Ocampo), who was hilarious, and Mo (Ketchup Eusebio), who was the only one who could convince us that he's in a rock band. And well, yeah, Alwyn Uytingco's gorgeous face.

That being said, if you want to waste your time watching some pretentious, pseudo-rock movie horseshit, watch Rakenrol. Otherwise, just watch Zombadings again.

Lead Character Answers Miss Universe 2011 Questions

2011-09-14T11:12:00.001+08:00

If you could trade lives with anyone in history, who would it be and why?

Boa noite, Brasil!

I would trade lives with Adolf Hitler.

Just kidding! But you should see the look on your faces.

Would you change your religious beliefs to marry the person you love? Why and why not?

I do not have any religious beliefs to change, because I do not believe in religion. I'd say that I do not believe in God, but I already ruined your night when I said I'd trade lives with Adolf Hitler, so I'll just keep that to myself. Also, I cannot marry the person that I love because it is not allowed in my country, or in most parts of the world, for that matter.

Obrigado, Brasil!

Nude beaches are common in some parts of the country. Is public nudity appropriate or inappropriate and why?

I like even tans, right down to the ass.

Obrigado por ter me, Brasil!

What would you do to avoid fighting a war that you did not agree with?

Just act busy.

Olá, Brasil! Como você está fazendo?

If you could change one of your physical characteristics, which one would it be and why?

I'd love for my teeth to be smaller.

Você está bem, o Brasil?

Grammar Weekly - Lay or Lie?

2011-09-07T00:32:00.002+08:00

"Lay" and "lie" are tricky words, in that they get confusing because of their past tense and past participle forms.

Here, we end the confusion once and for all using, as per ushe, sexually explicit examples to keep things interesting.

First, let's discuss the difference between lay and lie.

Lay is a transitive (meaning it involves a direct object) verb that means "to put or set down."
E.g., Lay the used condom on the floor to freak out your roommates.
Lie is an intransitive (meaning it does not involve anything or anyone to act on) verb that means "to be or to stay at rest in a horizontal position."
E.g., Lie down, bitch, and relax your ass because this is one hell of a fist!

Now that you're more confident in the use of "lay" and "lie," let's get to the trickier part: their past tense forms.

Lay in past tense is laid.
Incorrect: My roommates freaked out when they saw the used condom that I lay there last night.
Correct: My roommates freaked out when they saw the used condom that I laid there last night.
Lie in past tense is lay.
Incorrect: He laid there all morning because his ass was sore.
Correct: He lay there all morning because his ass was sore.

Not too bad, isn't it? You now think you're going to impress your date when you use "lay" and "lie" in their past tense forms perfectly, don't you? Well, not too fast. We still have the past participles to discuss.

Lay in past participle form, just like its past tense, is laid.
E.g., I should not have laid the used condom on the floor for everyone to see because my disgusted roommates repaid my prank by having me eat it.
Lie in past participle form is lain.
E.g., I would have lain in bed all day if not for your text message asking me to take you to the hospital, you cheating fist-slut!

Sources:
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000233.htm
http://www.webster.com

Facebooking

2011-09-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

Vox populi:
It's Friday!
[like]

[tag]
him, her
them

[comment]
Same thing again tonight?

...so it goes
without even mentioning
text messages
exchanged earlier
about something else
entirely

[untag]
photos from last weekend
that scream
anti-angular

[logout]
[login]

no new notifications

[upload]
photos from last month
that scream
jet setter

...so it goes
without even mentioning
how last night
i woke up
in cold sweats

[What's on your mind?]

the truth?

after months
of seeming
up and about
with nothing to lose
i revisited you

my heart cracked
like the earth

[unfriend]

10 Things About "Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington"

2011-08-26T15:15:00.005+08:00

Writers (Jade Castro, Michiko Yamamoto, Raymond Lee) of mostly tearjerker films (Endo, Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros, Magnifico, Anak, Milan) collaborated to come up with this hysterical comedy.
Funniest bit: Daniel Fernando's character giving an impassioned speech on why he hates gays.
Martin Escudero (the guy who plays Remington) has gorgeous eyes.
Kerbie Zamora (the guy who plays Remington's best friend) is crazy hot.
Lead Character needs to procure a similar hairdryer-shaped gaydar.
Almost everyone in the audience thinks guy-on-guy action is hilarious, especially between straight male best friends. Lead Character just sank in his seat, hoping it would turn pornographic, much to his dismay.
John Regala is the Ray Liotta of the Philippines.
This movie deserves more than one viewing. There are just a handful of subtle but funny bits that you could miss if you don't pay enough attention to the entire screen.
'Ang Babae sa Septic Tank' is funnier and much more cohesive, not that a comparison is necessary.
This needs a wide international release, especially in North America. The challenge is how to make swardspeak subtitles as funny as they're supposed to be. The title alone is quite difficult to translate into English. Lead Character proposes the following: "Zombiatches 1: Scare the Living Gaylights Out of Remington." (OK, that probably wouldn't work. Any ideas?)

How Lead Character Lost His Fifth Cell Phone

2011-08-16T00:50:00.007+08:00

Season 2 Episode 12

Lead Character is drunk again. After two pitchers of Blue Imagination, a strong yet tasty concoction from Karaoke5 (a karaoke hangout), Lead Character’s world starts spinning. And with its spinning comes the carnal desire to shuffle on the dance floor. So after an engrossing discussion on love, sex, books, and fecal matter with most of the usual guest stars—JabberedOnion, NonFacebooker, Jorit, Beaj—Lead Character decides it’s time to head off to Twelve, a tiny, suffocating bar that Lead Character and other phallus enthusiasts frequent. Of course, JabberedOnion, NonFacebooker, and Jorit are not big on phalluses (or is it phalli?), so he goes there instead with Beaj, picking up BobbinThread, another phallus fan, along the way.

Lead Character admires BobbinThread in superlative magnitude. Several months ago, BobbinThread quit a high-paying job in financial services to pursue his passion in fashion design. He just dropped everything, went to fashion school, then came back and opened his own shop. Now he's dressing up people and life couldn't be more thrilling for him. To quote a line from the movie Jerry Maguire: "That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there." Lead Character feels that unlike BobbinThread, he still has his balls tucked between his legs, and they're tiny.

After hours of sweating their armpits off, Beaj decides it’s time to head on home, leaving BobbinThread and Lead Character to reign over the dance floor all by themselves.

BOBBINTHREAD: I am sooo drunk right now. . .

LEAD CHARACTER: Me, too!

BOBBINTHREAD: . . .sooo drunk, because it's the only manageable thing to be right now.

Lead Character nods in agreement, because if he were in BobbinThread’s shoes, he’d prefer to be in a drunken state as well.

(Flashback: Five hours earlier. . .Lead Character receives a text message from BobbinThread.

“My father only has three months to live, maximum. He needs chemotherapy ASAP.”

Lead Character doesn’t know how to react to the message. He knows no words could ever save BobbinThread’s dad from cancer. All he can really do at this point is just be there for his friend.)

BobbinThread grabs a guy to dance with Lead Character, who immediately obliges. A couple of guys, one in a GRAY SHIRT and another in RED, pass by. Lead Character grabs them to dance with a young white man who’s been dancing all by himself. After a few minutes, GRAY SHIRT and RED free themselves from the white man.

BOBBINTHREAD: I like the guy in red.

LEAD CHARACTER: I like the guy in red for you.

A couple of hours later, BobbinThread and LeadCharacter find themselves outside Twelve, physically exhausted but still high in spirit. Palermo, the bar right next to Twelve, is a fun one. It’s infested with whores who only respond to foreigners, so the underappreciated locals tend to enjoy the attention they get from phallus enthusiasts.

LEAD CHARACTER: Let’s get in there!

BOBBINTHREAD: Let’s!

As they head into the next bar, they notice that GRAY SHIRT and RED are right in front of them.

BOBBINTHREAD: It’s RED! I want to dance with him!

LEAD CHARACTER: In that case, I’m having GRAY SHIRT!

So off they go dancing with the guys. Lead Character makes a bold move and pulls GRAY SHIRT closer towards him. GRAY SHIRT happily grinds with Lead Character.

LEAD CHARACTER (V.O.): Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned!

Just then, GRAY SHIRT pulls himself away from Lead Character and grabs RED with him. They start off to leave. Squinting at the two young men, Lead Character runs his hands on his pockets. His phone is gone.

So that’s it, just like that, Lead Character loses his fifth cell phone. He also lost a couple of his first four cell phones in a similar manner. Lead Character decides he’s not going to have any of it anymore; he has got to grow some balls!

He runs and catches up with GRAY SHIRT, hugging him from behind. Lead Character feels GRAY SHIRT’S pants pocket. It’s definitely his cellphone in there. Katy Perry’s “Firework” blares through the speakers as Lead Character fishes his phone out.

LEAD CHARACTER (cheerfully): Hey! You have my cellphone!

GRAY SHIRT ignores Lead Character and just continues walking away, nervously tailing his friend.

And just like that, Lead Character loses his cell phone, but gets it back immediately using, for what seems like the first time, a pair of balls. If there’s anything worth noting about life, it’s that it is short. One moment it’s your first day at school gaining new friends, the next you’re years beyond college life trying to stay afloat in various ways, because the older you get, the more you have things bringing you down—you have another friend who might be burying his parent soon, and you have a dead-end job to always go back to after your highly anticipated drunken weekends. So it all boils down to which side of the fence you want to end up on—the fucker side or the fucked.

Lead Character, props to him, chose the badass freakfucker side tonight.

Grammar Weekly - Squinting Modifiers

2011-08-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

It's time again for another segment of Grammar Weekly. Lead Character's friend, Punky, encouraged him to keep at it because of its importance. Hence this.

Our topic for today is all about modifiers, and how they sometimes squint in a sentence.

To refresh your memory, modifiers are what you add in your sentence to add details to an otherwise bland statement. It's the seasoning on your meat, they're the spices that make plain vinegar pinakurat, the wattle that completes your double chin. . .you get the drift, right? Simply put, they're the adjectives and adverbs in your sentences.

As an adjective: The man who can't be moved just waits in the corner.

As an adverb: He just stands there like he can't be moved.

Now, what happens when modifiers squint?

When a modifier squints, it would seem like it's modifying either the subject preceding or succeeding it, as is in the following example:

"Masturbating often causes clear skin."

Now, that sentence is clearly ambiguous (clearly ambiguous, ha! Could I be any more ironic?), and would confuse a lot of masturbators. Is it when they regularly masturbate that they get clear skin? Or does the act of masturbation itself cause clear skin most of the time? If your sentence offers the same ambiguity, you need to fix your modifier.

And that's it for now. Next week, if I see another post on Facebook about people having a "pictorial," I will discuss the difference between a pictorial and a photo shoot IN ALL FRICKIN' CAPS!!!

But for now, if you want to read up more about modifiers, and how they not only squint, but dangle and get misplaced sometimes, click here.

Lead Character Likes It Creamy

2011-08-08T21:42:00.001+08:00

(Season 2, Episode 11 - Finally, after a long hiatus)

Carbonara, in case you were thinking of something bodily. Lead Character doesn't like the real carbonara, which is dry. Gladly, most cafes he's been to serve their carbonara creamy. He's only been to one restaurant that served authentic carbonara, and he couldn't finish it. It was at Vue, a pretty little place at the Cebu Yacht Club, and while their other dishes were phenomenal, Lead Character had trouble downing their penne pasta carbonara.

So today, after work, Lead Character decides to make himself creamy carbonara, grabbing the recipe from pinoyfoodblog. He'd made the same carbonara last Christmas, but he wasn't able to release the entire affair as an episode because his brother deleted the photos he took of the undertaking.

It's actually supposed to be potato wedges for today, but after a prior attempt that involved their oven exploding in front of his face, making him, his mother, and his aunt yelp like helpless little girls, Lead Character decided to steer clear of baking for now.

The ingredients:

Lead Character decides not to follow pinoyfoodblog completely. Instead of the suggested Spinach Fettuccine, he picks 400g of regular spaghetti. The reason? Budget constraints. He also doesn't bother with the nutmeg. Since he had parsley flakes from his attempt at potato wedges, he decides that will make for a proper replacement. Of course there's 2 cans of Cream of Mushroom, 250ml All Purpose Cream, 1 head of garlic, olive oil, and a cup of instant Korean noodles. Why the Korean noodles, you ask? Well, it's in case Lead Character screws up the sauce and pasta and gets too hungry to cook another batch. Not appearing in the photo are parmesan cheese and the generally needed salt and pepper.

As Lead Character starts cooking the pasta, a major problem arises. The flame doesn't get high enough to boil water. He's already salted it and mixed with drips of olive oil so the pasta won't stick, but it never boils. An hour into it, out of desperation and impatience, Lead Character drops the pasta. And this is where the cup of Korean noodles becomes the hero. Already hungry, Lead Character decides it's time to devour a whole cup.

Surprisingly, the pasta cooks al dente, after almost half an hour of swimming in simmering water. But the real challenge now is preparing the sauce. The flame is just not high enough to cook the meat. Lead Character calls up his mother but she doesn't believe him that their stove might be broken once again.

Lead Character's aunt comes to the rescue. He sees her boiling water in her teeny weeny dirty kitchen, so he pleads for him to cook there. She lets him.

The rest of the cooking goes a lot smoother and faster this time. The end result is a carbonara sauce whose consistency is very much to Lead Character's liking.

Serving suggestion:

Top with parmesan cheese on a cafeteria type of plate to make the dish even more ravishing. See? See?

And now the real challenge: eating the thing. Lead Character thinks it is not that bad. Lead Character's sister likes it better than the one he made last Christmas. Unfortunately, after a while, it does get really. . .I'm having trouble picking the English word for it. . .but in Cebuano the word is ngilngig. . .and the only word I can come up with off the top of my head is. . .Schwarzeneggerey. Yes, after a while, Lead Character's ideal creamy carbonara gets really Schwarzeneggerey.

If You Ever Plan on Going to Camsur. . .

2011-04-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

Do not book your flight with AirPhil. I repeat, do not book your flight with AirPhil.

Months ago, JabberedOnion found online that AirPhil was having promo fares for flights to different domestic destinations. She immediately notified Lead Character and the rest of the gang about it so they can have another group vacation after their super-awesome Pinatubo adventure. Their choice of destination: Camarines Sur--to try out wakeboarding at the Camsur Watersports Complex and island hopping on the relatively undiscovered Caramoan Islands.

Their outgoing flight was supposed to be from Cebu to Naga City and ingoing from Naga City to Cebu, all direct. But a day before their scheduled flight, NonFacebooker found out from a coworker that all direct AirPhil flights between Cebu and Naga have been cancelled. Immediately, NonFacebooker notified Lead Character to have this confirmed. Conferencing in NonFacebooker to the call Lead Character placed with AirPhil customer service, they found out that this is true, and that their flight had been re-routed from Cebu to Manila, Manila to Legaspi City, a good two hours away from Naga City. Same goes for their return flight: Legaspi City, Manila, and then Cebu. Lead Character's eyes popped out from their sockets. This just cannot be happening! With all the traveling they'd be doing then, they'd be required to get up at two in the morning just to catch their flights. The bigger trouble is that from Caramoan, the boat ride to the port is more than an hour, and boats aren't even available whenever they want. And the most distressing thing was that all flights to and from Naga City were already full.

To make the long story short, it took for Lead Character's phone bill to go up to Php2,500 and a couple of stops at AirPhil offices just to make it possible for them to switch their airport back to Naga City. They didn't mind the connecting flights, what worried them was the re-route to Legaspi, which would just ruin a long-awaited vacation.

The only good thing about AirPhil was the customer service rep they spoke with, Kathy (or probably her name was with a C). Even if Lead Character and NonFacebooker were already pissed about the situation, taking no for an answer and almost yelling, Kathy remained her calm and made it possible for them to be able to switch airports.

Win Backstage Passes to the Bruno Mars Concert!

2011-04-01T08:34:00.000+08:00

Today, I'm a Tech Guy, But

2011-03-29T09:58:00.000+08:00

Back in the days,
I worked full-time
catching grasshoppers.

They were never hard
to catch. I wondered sometimes
what good it did them,
the power kicks that soared
them through the air,
only to have them slam
head-first into the
palm of my hand.

I would drop them
in clear plastic bags
then join my colleagues
for a late lunch
at the sapodilla forest
where we climbed trees
as high as our guts took us.

We could never enjoy
a full meal.
After a bite or two,
our neighbor would come
storming out of his house,
stick in hand.

One by one, we would
jump out onto the
naked ground, plastic
bags in our fists,
kicking hard on the
field of wet grass,
hopping, soaring,

summer wind against
our laughing faces.

The Rebecca Black Argument

2011-03-15T15:50:00.004+08:00

This is the song that could beat Justin Bieber's "Baby" to a pulp. "Friday" by Rebecca Black has already reached over 3 million views on YouTube in just over a month. Everyone who's listened to the song and watched the video agree on one thing: it has kick-ass lyrics.

Perhaps reminiscent of how Alanis Morissette took the world by storm back in the '90s with a bold confession of going down on her boyfriend in a theater, Rebecca Black courageously expresses a personal indecision: "Kicking in the front seat, sitting in the back seat, gotta make my mind up: which seat can I take?" This is perhaps Black's way of flipping off "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones with the implication that you don't always know what you want.

But reaching a different kind of level that other artists could only wish for is the kind of mystery that Black presents. She sings: "I got this, you got this. My friend is by my right, eh!" On the video, there is another girl by her left. Who is she? Is she just an acquaintance? A distant cousin she just met?

That is not the only mysterious thing in her song, though. When she sings "Fun, fun, fun, fun," it is delivered in a such a way that makes you question: "Is she really having fun? Or is she giving us an entirely different message that only a few can decode?"

And then we get to the bridge. We are reminded of how James Blunt repeatedly argues "You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true." Well, Mr. Blunt, your argument is weak. We do not know who you're singing to. For all we know she could be ugly. But Ms. Rebecca Black here gives us an argument no one can refute: "Yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday. . .tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards." No matter how you look at it, that is the correct order of days.

"Win Our Hearts" Winner

2011-03-09T07:02:00.002+08:00

This is two days belated but Lead Character would like to congratulate "me!" aka Timothy Flores for winning the "Win Our Hearts" contest with 50% of the votes for this magical entry:

Congratulations!

Since you're in Vancouver, you cannot really enjoy the prize of 2 movie tickets at SM Cinema, so feel free to award it to anyone in the Philippines. Just post in the comments section below who you want to transfer it to, and his/her Philippine mobile # (I will not publish it).

Of course, if you do not transfer it to anyone, you can enjoy it whenever you're here.

Congratulations again. You deserve it!

"Win Our Hearts" Contests - The Final Showdown

2011-03-01T07:07:00.001+08:00

Lead Character would like to thank those who participated in this very inspired contest. Even with just four entries, Lead Character feels they're enough to make hearts skip a beat or two.

To read all four entries and to vote for your favorite, click here.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T11:01:00.001+08:00

UPDATE (2/26/2010): I will be putting the entries up for votation on Facebok on February 28th, 2010, 8PM. After a week, I will be announcing the winner. As my apology for the delay, I will allow the winner to pick an IMAX or 3D movie for his/her prize.

Anyone can still submit entries until February 28th. :)

---------------

Since it's already Valentine's Day, Lead Character figures he'd feature the two valid entries from his "Win Our Hearts" contest.

These are magical words that truly celebrate this day.

From tryitonce!:

I’m Yours

Know that the song you gave me will be the standard by which future notes, melodies, and rhythms will be judged…

Know that my eventual emaciation is borne of the fact that food has lost its taste because I cannot dine with you…

Know that drink will continue to be of no value unless we are toasting each other…

Know that my past intimacies with others have, in hindsight, become pathetic and spiteful comparisons to the smidgen of physical affection you granted me…

Know that all conversations I will now deem trivial in the light of the simplest greetings from you…

And know that while you shun and turn away from me, I will take each act as acknowledgement of my existence, that you know I’m here.

I miss you.

Until that day when we are free from what bars us from being together – the distance, OUR convictions, the eyes of those who are hasty to pass-on judgment – I will wait…

Until such time that I will have met another who is as deserving of me as YOU…

I’m yours.

From Uh-Huh Girl, MD:

I remember how it happened. We were in the car, at the parking lot when you turned off the engine. You took my hand and said "Will you give me the chance to love you?" I went blank for a few seconds and then was able to croak out a "Yes". It's freaky actually when you've had a dream wherein the exact line was spoken and then years later, it happened. From that incident I had an inkling that you might, just MIGHT be "the one".

Then one stormy afternoon, you fell asleep. I looked at you and you had that look of a man with no worries, a man well loved by his family, friends and employees. It was priceless, and made me wonder if I could see that look again in the same lifetime. In that moment, I knew that I had to keep you. Now three years have passed, I know that you're not the type who says a lot. You have not promised me the moon, nor have you pledged me your undying love. But every time you tell me "I love you" just out of the blue, it always feels like I'm hearing it for the first time. My heart beats faster, my pupils dilate and for a moment I'm breathless. Your kisses are plain magical. Whenever you plant one on my forehead when I'm sulking or in "search and destroy" mode, I just forget and let things slide. Whenever I'm with you, everything seems to be at the right place and time.

I'm not just in love with you, I'm enamored and enthralled... to the point that I want you to change my name, and I would gladly pack my bags and leave my beloved Cebu just to be with you. After all, you are my home.

If you think you can express love or infatuation just as well as they have, feel free to join the contest. Just post in the comments section below whatever you wish to say to that special person in your life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

"Win Our Hearts!" Contest

2011-02-04T12:21:00.013+08:00

After the dismal ending to Love and Other Drugs (in Lead Character's humble opinion), Lead Character cannot help but wonder if perhaps there's someone out there who is capable of delivering a big romantic speech that can win anyone over in a heartbeat.


Jerry Maguire in his living room speech, not knowing he's already had his wife at hello.

Sure, it might be hard to top this:

"Our little project, our company, had a very big night. A very, very big night. But it wasn't complete. It wasn't nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete because I couldn't share it with you. I couldn't hear your voice or laugh about it with you . . . I miss . . . I miss my wife. We live in a cynical world, a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You . . . complete me."

But it's not impossible to be just as romantic. After all, it wasn't only Jerry Maguire's speech that made Lead Character's heart go aflutter.

In Rumor Has It, Jennifer Aniston's character tells Mark Ruffalo's:

"I'm not here to tell you I can't live without you, because I can. It's just that I don't want to."

"Skins" characters Emily and Naomi.

Even on TV, writers have managed to make us fall in love with lines like:

"I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I want you. So be brave and want me back!"

That was Emily to Naomi on the Brit series "Skins."

In "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Spike tells Buffy:

“When I say, 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman.”

That being said, Lead Character would like to invite his readers to post in the comments section below the most romantic lines they would like to tell someone. To make it even more powerful, write something you're dying to tell a real person in your life that you either like, love, or lost and want back. Make it romantic, but not cheesy. Make it work, make it real!

But it doesn't even have to be romantic. If you're someone who has no romantic feelings for anyone, just come up with something meaningful that you'd want to tell someone special in your life. It could be something you'd want to tell either of your parents, or your best friend, or your brother, or the professor back in college who inspired you. Make them feel loved in your very own words.

Deadline of entries will be next ~~Wednesday, February 9th~~ Thursday, February 17th. The winning entry will be determined via Facebook likes from ~~February 9th~~ February 17th through February 21st.

The winning prize: two movie passes at any SM Cinema* in the country (not valid for 3D or Imax, though). And you can pick any movie on any day this month.

So what are you waiting for? Let it out!

* Of course, when I say any SM Cinema, I mean any movie tickets that can be purchased through www.smcinema.com.

It Had Me at Drugs, but Lost Me at Love

2011-02-03T00:12:00.003+08:00

Love and Other Drugs by Edward Zwick (About Last Night..., Legends of the Fall) opens to the Spin Doctors' "Two Princes," which instantly takes us back to the '90s--Lead Character's favorite decade! (Alanis Morissette! Fiona Apple! Magnolia! Boogie Nights! Highschool acne!) Lead Character finds himself tapping his feet on the floor. If you want to take your viewers back to the '90s, you don't really need to show cassette tapes or Motorola cellphones or denim jumpers for women or Viagra; just play the frickin' music!

Starting out with a lot of promise, the movie progresses pretty deftly with solid character buildup and terrific performances from Jake Gyllenhaal and the ever reliable Anne Hathaway. Gyllenhaal's character, Jamie, is a pharmaceutical sales rep who meets Maggie (Hathaway) at her doctor's clinic. Maggie has stage 1 Parkinson's disease, which doesn't really show yet so Jamie and Maggie have all the sex they want. Unfortunately, MTRCB intervened again and mutilated all the steamy lovemaking. This isn't completely bad, though, because everytime Jake Gyllenhaal calls Anne Hathaway "Maggie," his real-life sister comes to mind.

Just like any other romantic dramedies, the drama eventually surfaces. Maggie's Parkinson's disease is real, and Jamie and Maggie are then forced to acknowledge it, which paves the way to the story's resolution. In his head, Lead Character starts to wish, "Please, don't be cliché, please, please, please...." And to his dismay, they go that exact, horrific route.

Why do they always have to do this--have one character run after the other to make a big romantic speech about why they should be together? And they expect us to swoon? Why do they feel the need to do this when they know they cannot top Jerry Maguire? Why?!

This leads Lead Character into coming up with the top romantic comedies he's seen whose endings stood out:

Say Anything..., Roman Holiday, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Break-Up, and of course, even if marketed as a horror film, Lead Character considers Lars Von Trier's The Antichrist a romantic comedy with an ending that redefined romance.

Lead Character Frenches Up His Shirt

2011-01-22T17:09:00.008+08:00

Season 2, Episode 10

One of Lead Character's college friends, Eng, has been having his own designs printed on a shirt, just for his sake and his alone. What impresses Lead Character is how the designs, simple as they may be, are nice to look at and at the same time a very good way of expressing oneself. No, a Facebook status update is not enough. If you want to express yourself, print it on your shirt.

Eng used Japanese characters, something that not everyone in Cebu can understand. Lead Character thinks it's sly, hence he asked Eng to send him a design, one that says something offensive like "I'm a fudgepacker."

But Eng never did deliver, so Lead Character decided to make his own design instead.

The whole process hadn't been easy. Lead Character wanted a ringer T-shirt, not just any plain shirt, for his design not to look too bland. After all, his design is simply a French term in a red Ampersand font. The shop that prints out your designs for you, Transfer It! (located on the first floor of Robinson's), only had plain shirts available, so Lead Character had to search the entire city. The bigger challenge was not just to look for ringer T-shirts, but ringer T-shirts that didn't have prints on them. After hours of looking, Lead Character finally found ringer T-shirts with no prints at Giordano in Ayala.

The idea behind Lead Character's design is to go for something as sly as using Japanese characters, and with his life-long fascination with the French language, he went all out with it--something desperate, something sad.

And viola...

It's "fuck me" in French.

Note: Thanks, Chris and Chris, for teaching Lead Character useful French terms. Soixante-neuf, anyone?

You're Welcome, Uh-huh Girl, MD!

2011-01-22T16:56:00.001+08:00

Uh-huh Girl expresses her gratitude for having won the Five Questions contest, for which the prizes were a bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila and a Starbucks 2011 Planner.

A new contest will be announced soon, so stay tuned, everyone!

Ugly Fuckable and Pretty Unfuckable

2011-01-04T00:31:00.006+08:00

Season 2 Episode 09

Joy Bee decides to treat Lead Character and friends to dinner as a post-birthday gathering. Present, as always, are JabberedOnion, NonFacebooker, Madonna, and TamponRiot. On their way to the restaurant, Lead Character shares his current fascination with Kitchen Nightmares, one of the many shows headlined by Chef Gordon Ramsay. Lead Character can't quite explain it, but whenever he watches Chef Ramsay get all intense and hammy, he gets a series of tiny orgasms. TamponRiot points out that Chef Ramsay, despite not having the prettiest face, is fuckable. Chef Gordon Ramsay is an Ugly Fuckable.

Photo taken from elitechoice.org

The entire ride, as well as the ensuing dinner, is then transformed into a The View-esque discussion of the top celebrity Ugly Fuckables in recent history. Names that come up, not just coming from the mouth of Lead Character, include: Willem Dafoe (not sure if it's because of Body of Evidence, or him getting showered with hundreds of bullets in Platoon), Jack Black (fuckable, yes, but is he even really ugly?), Reese Witherspoon, Tori Spelling, Usher Raymond, Rupert Grint, Mo Twister, Jay-R, and, um, well, yeah, Manny Pacquiao, among others.

But the real challenge is coming up with those who have pretty faces, but are completely unfuckable--Pretty Unfuckables. Lead Character and friends are able to come up with a few, but the discussion here is filled with long minutes of staring at blank space trying to think of celebrities who are pretty but whom they have no desire of fucking.

There's Judy Ann Santos, who's pretty by Lead Character's standards, but inspires nothing sexual at all. Lea Salonga and Tina Fey come up, mostly because you cannot fuck goddesses. Someone suggests Kris Aquino, but it is met with protests because while she is unfuckable, she is not pretty to begin with. Jason Priestley is also suggested, but only circa "Beverly Hills 90210"; as he aged, he became more and more fuckable. Joy Bee suggests Lucy Torres and everyone agrees--all except JabberedOnion, much to everyone's bewilderment. TamponRiot brings up Ben Affleck, whose Pretty Unfuckability is supposed to be a consensus in America. Lead Character disagrees. Just like Kris Aquino, Ben Affleck is not pretty at all.

The night ends with everyone exhausted from all the eating and thinking at the same time. But they decide to do it again soon. Maybe for next dinner, they'll talk about Fuckable Politicians (Lead Character already thinks Bill Clinton and, um, well, yeah, Manny Pacquiao).

Note: You've probably been rolling your eyeballs the whole time you were reading this. In Lead Character's defense, he and his friends were talking about celebrities. Also, he and his friends are above the personalities under discussion because they are, in their own innate and inalienable right, pretty and fuckable. Wad-dup!

Black Swan (2010)

2011-01-02T22:26:00.002+08:00

What makes Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan remarkable is that it is a mix of the best elements from his four previous movies: the complexity in Pi, the gore and horror in Requiem for a Dream, the perplexity in The Fountain, and the emotional rawness in The Wrestler. And with all those elements combined, Aronofsky has come up with what can perhaps be considered his best movie to date.

In Black Swan, Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) wins the coveted role of the Swan Queen in a production of Swan Lake by a prestigious ballet company in New York. Required of the Swan Queen role are both the exquisiteness of the White Swan and the dark sensuality of the Black Swan. However, Nina is much too exquisite, that while she is perfect as the White Swan, she has trouble transforming into the Black Swan. In comes Lily (Mila Kunis), who seems threatening enough to take away the role because of her imperfect but effortless technique.

Odd things start happening to Nina. Aside from the unexplained patch of scratched skin on her left shoulder blade, she sees on a few occasions someone who looks exactly like her on the subway, something threadlike grows on her finger, a night of drinking and drug use ends in a sleepover that may or may not have happened, and these things intensify further to shocking extents--much like how David Lynch's Mulholland Dr. went, but certainly not as confusing. By the end of the movie, everything wraps up clearly to a beautiful climax; you do not have to scratch your head and hate yourself for being stupid.

Throughout the movie, Lead Character noticed that Aronofsky employed a handful of foreshadowing and possible symbolisms in the movie--most notably the reflection shots and Nina taking off her earrings. The shots showing the characters' reflection in the mirror get fully explained towards the end, but Lead Character still cannot fully wrap his head around the earrings. Several times throughout the movie, there's apparent emphasis on Nina taking off her earrings. Is it some sort of symbolism for women transforming into something else? When a girl takes off her earrings, is she suddenly a different person on some level?

Lead Character has a friend who, after an hour's commute to visit another friend, realized that an earlobe was missing an earring. Afraid that her earrings might have been ripped from her ears along the way, she frantically reached up and felt her ears. Only then did she realize that she put on both earrings in one ear. Could this piece of true-to-life anecdote possibly be relevant to Black Swan? Do earrings really represent something to a woman?

If you have the answers, please feel free to share.

---

Directed by: Darren Aronofsky
Written by: Mark Heyman, Andres Heinz, John McLaughlin
Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel

---

Other movies by Darren Aronofsy:

Five Questions Winner

2010-12-25T22:38:00.002+08:00

And we have a winner!

Congratulations, Uh-Huh Girl, MD! That was really quick!

Please post your number below (I won't publish it), so I can contact you regarding claiming your prize.

Here are the answers to the questions, in case Kara San wants to refute the winner. :)

1. What does the Hehe complex evolve to if left untreated?

The Haha Complex.

2. Which TV phenomenon did the director of Lead Character's 5th favorite Glee episode create? (Clue: This TV show had a 7-season run. Its 8th season was in comic book series form.)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

3. In the episode "Return of Merchandise," what sari-sari store item did the VENDOR refuse to replace after Lead Character complained that it was bad?

Egg.

4. How big was the stool sample did Lead Character hand over to the Medical Technologist in the episode "Medical Exam: A Horror Story"?

Almond-sized.

5. List the books that Lead Character hasn't finished reading yet as of the writing of the episode "Impulse in the Time of Flatulence."

"Rant" by Chuck Palahniuk
"The Pretenders" and "My Brother, My Executioner" by F. Sionil Jose
"God Is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens
"The Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie

Again, congratulations to the winner.

Stay tuned, everyone, for more contests in the future! :D

Five Questions

2010-12-24T01:35:00.004+08:00

Since the winner of our previous contest, the LIKE the Lead Character Chronicles Facebook fan page contest, forfeited his prize, I am now including the bottle of Jose Cuervo to this content's winning prize: a Starbucks 2011 Planner!

How to win?

Simply answer these five questions correctly (thanks to JabberedOnion for this idea). If you've been reading this blog, then this should be easy breezy. The first person to get all the answers right wins!

1. What does the Hehe complex evolve to if left untreated?

2. Which TV phenomenon did the director of Lead Character's 5th favorite Glee episode create? (Clue: This TV show had a 7-season run. Its 8th season was in comic book series form.)

3. In the episode "Return of Merchandise," what sari-sari store item did the VENDOR refuse to replace after Lead Character complained that it was bad?

4. How big was the stool sample did Lead Character hand over to the Medical Technologist in the episode "Medical Exam: A Horror Story"?

5. List the books that Lead Character hasn't finished reading yet as of the writing of the episode "Impulse in the Time of Flatulence."

Note: The bottle of Jose Cuerva tequila can only be awarded to those who are in Cebu. The Starbucks planner, however, can be shipped out to anyone in the Philippines. So if you win and you're not from Cebu, you can get the Starbucks planner but the Jose Cuervo would have to be given to someone here.

If no one answers all five questions correctly on or before December 29th, 11:59pm, both prizes will be additional prizes for the next contest.

Good luck to all of you!

----

Update as of 12/24/2010:

Thanks, Kara San for your attempt. But you got one item wrong. I will not post your comment as others might simply copy.

Don't worry, you can still review your answers and see which item you may have gotten wrong.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

----

Update as of 12/25/2010:

Kara San: I admire your efforts. However, you changed an already correct answer, which is still correct, by the way, after you changed it. The one item I'm referring to is something that you might have misunderstood.

Please, review your answers again, because I want you to win as well. Because for sure, you're going to donate the bottle of tequila to us when we meet up. ;)

Best Christmas Episode

2010-12-19T21:19:00.005+08:00

Every year, American TV shows typically air a Christmas (or for political correctness, Holiday) episode right before going on their holiday hiatus. More often than not, they make their episodes encompass the holiday spirit, one that is full of love and joy despite situations in their fictional world that make the audience doubt if their characters would have any of it at all.

This year, Community (one of the best TV shows of today that you're not watching) showcased their characters in stop motion animation in an episode called "Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas." Community has always been bold in coming up with out-of-the-ordinary episodes (you'll know what I mean if you've seen their paintball episode, and the one with the zombies, and their homage to Goodfellas that explore the power struggle surrounding the supply and demand of chicken fingers in the school cafeteria), and their Holiday episode just proved that they can pretty much kick the butts of every other TV show out there.

Lead Character watched "Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas" three times, enjoyed it each time, and felt that he was ready to deem it the best Christmas episode of any year, especially that it purported that the meaning of Christmas is the first season of Lost, a metaphor for something with great buildup but with no payoff (classic!).

But then The Good Wife happened.

In an episode called "Nine Hours," The Good Wife showed that a Christmas episode does not have to be set during the holiday season.

The story kicks off with Alicia Florrick (Julianna Margulies) receiving a phone call from a Court of Appeals clerk about the habeas petition she sent out just the night before for their client Carter Wright (Chad Coleman--Lead Character remembers him from The Wire), a convicted arsonist and murderer on death row . The clerk wants to know if she's filing an addendum before that night's execution. Alicia freezes, composes herself, and then asks the clerk to repeat what he just said, to make sure that she heard the word "addendum" right. After confirming, Alicia tells the clerk she'll call him right back. She then calls Senior Partner Will Gardner (Josh Charles) about the call from the clerk. Will himself is surprised about the call, and he immediately phones another Senior Partner, Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski), who also freezes at the idea that the clerk is asking for an addendum. Since Lead Character does not have any idea what an addendum is, he is immediately sucked into the story.

Lead Character learns that the addendum was something they missed to add in the appeal that could very well save their client from meeting his fate at midnight, and the clerk telling them that it exists even without telling them what it is is already breaking the rules. And so the search for that one tiny detail begins, and they have exactly nine hours to turn in the "last Hail Mary appeal."

You must be wondering now how in the hell could Lead Character possibly deem this as the best Christmas episode if it doesn't even seem like a Christmas episode. The answer is in two words: Jesus Christ.

Whether the writers were aware of it or not, Lead Character could not help but notice the parallelism. The story is about a man who is about to get executed. Didn't Jesus Christ die in the same inhuman way? Well, probably not as inhuman, since lethal injection is perhaps an act of kindness compared to scourging and crucifixion, but just the idea that you are being deemed not worthy to be alive, regardless of what you may have done, is cruelty beyond Lead Character's comprehension.

Carter Wright passing through the prison hallway and getting a few seconds'
glimpse of his daughter accompanied by his lawyer, Diane Lockhart.

What Lead Character comprehends, though, is that Christmas is not so much about the birth of Jesus as it is celebrating his legacy. He is perhaps the grandest symbol of hope and kindness and sharing and love for humankind out of all the characters in popular fiction. Say what you must, but despite Lead Character's beliefs, he still thinks Jesus is an inspiring character. Jesus had him at "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Lead Character is not really a fan of preachy materials, but even if "Nine Hours" somewhat preached against capital punishment, it was able to pull it off with enough subtlety that it barely pressed on his gullet. The result: a touching episode that reminds us that Christmas, just like any other time of the year, is for all of us to be kind to one and all and not kill.

2010: A Year That Was Not So "Kay Ganda," adj. So Beautiful

2010-12-15T15:48:00.006+08:00

Another year of the Gregorian calendar is almost over. For most people, it's high time they looked back into the year that was and see how the next year can be tons better, the way they all do every year (the success rate of which is so low it's disheartening).

For Lead Character, however, his year was so uneventful it's not worth writing about. The only highlights were his travels, all the weight he gained exponentially (for having worked two jobs at the same time), and the plummeting peso-dollar rate, which, if you work from home and get paid in US dollars, hurts like a motherfrakker. So Lead Character instead would like to examine the year that was for other people, because life is much more fun that way.

For those who got their hearts broken this year, it's high time you pushed yourself up from that dark corner you're in, fix yourself, and use next year to exact revenge--not directly to the person who broke your heart but to anyone at random. Yes, Lead Character suggests you break hearts next year. If blessed people can pay kindness forward, then cursed people can pay curses forward, too. This is to keep things balanced, to avoid karmic warming, which is the socio-spiritual equivalent of global warming.

For those who broke hearts this year, next year would probably be smooth sailing for you. If you feel guilty about having broken someone's heart, then you've paid your price--guilt is awful enough a feeling. Shake that guilt off now and enjoy next year with the freedom you've acquired from breaking someone's heart. If you never felt guilty, then you're either a bad person, or the person whose heart you broke is the bad person. Either way, spend next year with caution.

For those who didn't break hearts nor had their hearts broken this year, chances are, you will have the same experience next year. It's either you're physically unattractive or socially awkward. Or both. Your only saving grace now is money. Use next year to start your hefty savings for both the sunny and the rainy days. Yes, Lead Character does not advocate just saving money for emergencies but for luxuries as well. Buy that iPad you don't really need, or that expensive watch that can make people think you're rich.

For Katrina Halili, it's high time that she examined her life and see how the next year can be spent more fruitfully. Is she going to pursue another attempt at making Hayden Kho pay for what he did? Or is she going to pull a Maricar Reyes, be a big person, and just move past a mistake that she shared responsibility for? As per the Pasig Regional Trial Court's ruling, there was insufficient evidence that she was unaware she was being filmed while getting it on. Unless you are peripherally blind, girl, just admit that you knew you were being filmed. Of course, you can't be peripherally blind. If you were, you wouldn't be as bad an actress as you are now (read: unaware of the camera = natural acting).

For P-Noy, it's been quite a year, huh? From the Quirino Grandstand hostage-taking to the RH Bill to the fracas surrounding the Department of Tourism campaign. Lead Character didn't vote for you but he didn't think you were going to be a lousy President. Thank you for supporting the RH Bill. Please, continue acting on your intellectual moral code and not on the church's.

For those who oppose the RH Bill because of the Holy Spirit, it's high time that you shut the fuck up. However, if you oppose the RH Bill for other reasons, say, it does not really prevent overpopulation and that it's an extravagance that affects the national budget, then by all means continue fighting for what you believe in. Lead Character has respect for you.

For the team that makes up the Department of Tourism, here's an idea for a tourism campaign: "Pilipinas kay Happening!" Why? Because things are happening in our country. It's not about beauty anymore; every country claims the same. Selling our country as beautiful is too generic. Besides, it's not completely true. So to make us stand out, why not say that things are happening here? And once the tourists come pouring in, let's start making things happen. What kinds of things? Ask help from the gays!

For Lauro Vizconde, Lead Character cannot even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. For Lead Character, our justice system is a joke not because Hubert Webb et al. were acquitted by the Supreme Court but because no one present has been found guilty. Two of those that were convicted by the lower court remain at-large. What is going on here? Lead Character was in grade school when the heinous crime took place, and since then he couldn't help but be bothered by how it must be like to lose your entire nuclear family in just one night. You must no longer be looking back into the year that was and look forward into the year that is to come. Rather, you're probably thinking of those 15 years without your family beside you, and dreading another 15 years of justice not being sought. What for most people is the season to be jolly, yours is the season to be grieving yet again. What for most people is the new year for a new life, all you have are memories. Irrelevant as this may be, please take this post as a dedication to you and your family. May you find peace in a place where we promise tourists beauty, but we cannot even provide our countrymen the same.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

And the Winner Is. . .

2010-12-09T21:20:00.001+08:00

Note to the winner: please post a comment below to let us know that you have seen the video. If there's no comment from you after December 22nd, this means you have forfeited the prize and another raffle will be drawn. If you're not from Cebu, Lead Character is willing to save the bottle for you until you get here. If you have no plans of claiming the prize personally, let Lead Character know if there's anyone else (who's from Cebu) whom you want to have this prize handed to. If you're from Cebu, leave your number below (it won't be published) so Lead Character can contact you regarding claiming your prize.

A lot of thanks to those who joined!

Even bigger thanks for the support of Lead Character's friends: JabberedOnion, Joy Bee, Braille, and Punky! :D Much love! Much love!

Stay tuned for more contests in the future.

And The Prize for the First Ever Lead Character Chronicles Contest Is...

2010-12-07T17:35:00.003+08:00

This bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila!!!

To join this contest, simply "like" the Lead Character Chronicles Facebook fan page (click here to go to the page or see widget on the left-hand side of your screen). On December 8th, 11:59pm, Lead Character will officially close this contest. A raffle will be drawn on December 9th, and the winner will be announced that evening.

So what are you waiting for? "Like" the Lead Character Chronicles Facebook fan page now (desperate! desperate!) and get the chance to get as drunk as Lead Character almost always is!

And oh, the prize can only be handed to someone who's in Cebu. If you're not from Cebu, you can still join the contest, but in case you win, the prize will have to be given to someone you know, like, or love.

Jay-R!!!

2010-12-07T00:07:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday, December 4th, Lead Character had the chance to be at the Passionata Gleek Squad Showdown, a show choir competition held at the Cebu Doctor's University Auditorium. obviously inspired by the TV show "Glee."

The first contestant, The UCLM Choir, did "Bohemian Rhapsody," which was actually quite good that Lead Character almost cried, making him miss being at events like Passionata. It was indeed an inspiring celebration of music, even if most of the numbers were not that original.

It was the guest stars of the evening that proved to be much more noteworthy. Jay-R (of the "Bakit Pa Ba" single-hit-song fame) was delectable. The Asian Troubadours kicked ass with a certain level of musicality that Lead Character thinks deserves an audience at the Carnegie Hall.

In between performances, the organizers held a contest which involved members of the audience dialing a phone number, and whoever was lucky enough for his/her call to get through first, s/he would win the prize. Lead Character had 3 chances of winning, but his calls never made it through, which is fine, because the prizes never got as lucrative as a laptop, anyway. Or a Winnebago. Or a pet kangaroo.

To those who never made it to the show, here's a montage of a few highlights of what was without a doubt a night to remember for a few days. Lead Character would like to apologize beforehand for the video quality because all he had was his phone to shoot the performances with.

If You're Ever in Iloilo, part 4

2010-12-05T14:49:00.005+08:00

Season 2 Episode 08

If you're ever in Iloilo, buy your pasalubong from Deocampo Barquillos. Not that Lead Character can say they have the best barquillos and butternuts and pinasugbos, etc., because he hasn't tried any from other stores, but what Lead Character likes about Deocampo is that its pricing is the same in every branch, even in the one at the airport.

JabberedOnion browsing the goods, rather very mechanically,
probably also making mental notes of her budget for the trip,
and how everything's gone awry.

If you're ever in Iloilo, try the "biggest" burger at Perri Todd's, because Lead Character, Joy Bee, JabberedOnion and JabbereOnion's friends from the Cebu Bloggers Society tried it and they weren't disappointed.

Even the burger itself is salivating. Casa Verde's "biggest" burger
is actually bigger, but this looks a lot more enticing.


Lead Character pretends to be taking first dibs with a hint of aristocracy. (Photo taken by Rio.)

For a detailed review of Perri Todd's, you might want to check out Rabsin's food blog called iSwallow (sharp, huh?). He hasn't launched it yet, but at Perri Todd's, he pulled the manager from his office and initiated an interview--a classic example of Applied Learning. The day before, they all joined the Visayas Bloggers Summit where Lead Character himself learned quite a handful of useful things about blogging. You might want to check out JabberedOnion's account of the event once she's gotten out of her writer's block. (A memo to JabberedOnion: Please post your entry about the event already, bitch!)

If you're ever in Iloilo and just had a taste of a Perri Todd burger, you might want to hold a contest among your peers: Who can mimic the Perri Todd mascot pose the best?

For Lead Character, he only managed to mimic successfully the mascot's double chin. JabberedOnion captured the eyes. Rabsin got the mouth and the left hand. Joy Bee, most disappointingly, never really tried hard enough.

If you're ever in Iloilo, be sure your stay there is more than just for one weekend. Lead Character only spent a weekend there and he didn't get enough. It's pretty much just like Cebu but with more good-looking waiters, something that almost became Lead Character's undoing. Thankfully, he was able to hold it together. By the time he boarded the plane that was to fly him back to his beloved city, he vowed, just as General MacArthur did, "I shall return."*

*Just so we're clear, Lead Character is not returning to Iloilo to destroy the Japanese. He just wanted something artsy-fartsy for an ending to a four-part series, and he doesn't really have the time nor the intellectual capacity to come up with something better.

Cakewalker's Caffé: A Sanctuary for Med Students and Telecommuters

2010-12-04T10:00:00.006+08:00

For about two years now, Lead Character and his friends have been frequenting a quaint little cafe called Cakewalker's Caffé, located at The Strip along Osmeña Blvd., Cebu City.

Lead Character used to wonder why it's called Cakewalker's, and why Caffé is spelled as such. He never really got the chance to ask the owner, but based on his online research, he learned that Caffé is cafe in Italian, and that cakewalk either means (a) n., a strutting dance performed by minstrels or (b) n., an easy accomplishment. Lead Character is not sure about the Italian part, because their menu is very Filipino-American, which includes bacon and egg with rice, and a clubhouse sandwich. As for the definition of cakewalk, he'd like to propose a new dictionary entry:

cakewalk, v., to spend hours at a cafe, whether productively or not, to:

1. escape the drudgery that is your very own lower middle-class home and work (this is if you're a telecommuter like Lead Character and JabberedOnion)
2. review for the medical board exam with your study group (this is if you're med students who enjoy throwing medical words at each other)
3. discuss your legal options with your lawyer (this is if you're a call center agent who just got fired--as witnessed a few months back by Lead Character's friend, who couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation)
4. eavesdrop on other people's conversations (not that Lead Character can help it--yesterday, a recruiter was quite loud describing how interested candidates can work in the UK, with special mention of how the job could change their lives forevah)

Cakewalker's Caffé does not really offer the best coffee; Lead Character still prefers Starbucks and the brewed coffee from Dunkin' Donuts, but it has a couple of standouts, like its selection of Caffé Signature Drinks. It does not offer the best cakes as well (which made Lead Character suspect right from the beginning that the name Cakewalker's might not have anything to do with cakes at all). Recently, though, Lead Character was able to try a slice of what he can only describe as effing decadent.

That being said, the one thing that makes Cakewalker's better than any other coffee shop in the city is its customer service. Its baristas are polite and proactive. When they catch you smoking outside, they take the initiative to bring you an ashtray. When there aren't any more electrical outlets available for you to charge your laptop, they lend you an extension wire. They also say "Thank you for coming" in the most natural way. Starbucks baristas can get phony sometimes, nauseatingly overzealous with their work. At Mr. Coffee, it sometimes feels like they don't care whether you're a customer or not. At Figaro, their demeanor gets lost in their good looks. And don't even get me started on Brown Cup--they complain when you hand them a five-hundred-peso bill and what you ordered is just worth Php100. One time, a Brown Cup barista called a customer a "bitch." Not cool.

Aside from grade A customer service, the ambiance at Cakewalker's is relaxing, like your very own home on a rainy afternoon; you just want to stay indoors and curl up with a book, or browse profiles on Facebook. Several times Lead Character has slept in one of its couches, without having to worry about being judged.

So in case this is the first time you've heard about Cakewalker's, do drop by, order a cup of coffee, just let go, and for the first time in your life, cakewalk.

Like Me!

2010-12-02T15:16:00.004+08:00

Due to its increasing popularity (over 4 hits a day! Epic!), The Lead Character Chronicles now has its own Fan Page on Facebook!

Click here to get to the page. Or simply hit the LIKE button on the left side.

Ugh!

If You're Ever in Iloilo, part 3

2010-11-30T21:49:00.006+08:00

Season 2 Episode 07

If you're ever in Iloilo, it is a given that you should party at Smallville. Smallville is a vast stretch of road with establishments ranging from coffee shops to restos to bars that cater to economic classes A, B, C, D, E, and well, as you might have already guessed, Koreans. Lead Character learned that the A and B crowd is mostly seen at Ice, and at the area where The Venue is, as Lead Character himself witnessed. Classes C and D go to Pirates, which is where Lead Character and his friends would have definitely belonged if Smallville were in Cebu, but since they're "tourists," they first settled at Mexicana Cantina, hoping to get some shots of cheap tequila. To their dismay, Mexicana Cantina didn't serve Mojitos, leaving them with no choice but drink Jose Cuervo. It's better to go broke than never get drunk at all.

If you're ever in Iloilo, be sure you party with the people. Actually, wherever you are, always make sure you have a night allotted for partying with the local folks, to meet new friends, and really get immersed in their drunken culture. Unfortunately for Lead Character, they hung out instead with fellow Cebuanos. An old grade school friend of Joy Bee's, JP, caught up with them at Mexicana Cantina, followed by JP's friend, JR. (Guys who go by their initials. . .quite interesting. Lead Character considered for a second going by LC, but he realized people might mistake that for Lauren Conrad, and a sentence using LC referring to Lead Character might make Perez Hilton's head spin, i.e., "LC has just been spotted shopping at Tita Guapa." But we digress.)

If you're ever in Iloilo, be sure you party with the people. Lead Character can't quite stress this enough. Because aside from hanging out with fellow Cebuanos, he and his friends didn't go party with the people. They instead went karaoke at the Annex. Karaoke! Something that can be done back in Cebu with fellow Cebuanos! Dagnabbit!

Photo courtesy of JabberedOnion.

This isn't saying Lead Character didn't have fun. JP and JR were extra fun to hang out with. And the Annex, after all, served Mojitos, which was all that Lead Character and his friends ordered for the Php1,200 (consumable, 3 hours worth) that they were charged for for the private videoke room that the Annex staff described as the small room. Lead Character, however, thought it could house two non-abstaining Catholic families. JabberedOnion then contacted her friends, Rabsin and Rio, from the Cebu Bloggers Society. The result was a night full of drunken singing of duets and ambitious solos.

By the time the Annex closed, Lead Character was already out by the bushes puking nothing but bile, saliva, and throat cells, with well-dressed twentysomethings behind him laughing (at him or at something else, Lead Character will never know).

And that, ladies and gents, is how you should not spend a night out in Iloilo. Lead Character would have really preferred bumping and grinding with the people. But then again, remembering now how the night went, Lead Character remembers it was him who might have suggested they go karaoke.

Stay tuned, for there might or might not be a 4th installment.

If You're Ever in Iloilo, part 2

2010-11-29T18:03:00.002+08:00

Season 2 Episode 06

If you're ever in Iloilo, you should know that there's this charming little hotel called Highway21. Out from the main street, it seems like a sleazy motel that couples and trios (depending on your sense of adventure) check into for 2-3 hours of reckless abandon, because it seems to be secluded that way. However, once you see its facade, you'll realize it's actually for decent, fun-loving tourists.

After their horrendous experience at City Corporate Inn, Lead Character and friends decided to take some action. Lucky for them, Highway21 was suggested. They didn't have free wi-fi; they charge Php100 for every 24 hours, and the connection wasn't really that fast, but it was miles better than having no connection at all.

Lead Character and friends got a small room that was good for two persons only and just had an extra bed added--both for economic purposes and because Highway21 had no other rooms available.

What surprised Lead Character was the food that the hotel served. For the usual price of around Php150, you'd get huge servings--almost double, in fact. After a night out at Smallville (all the dirt will be exposed in the next installment) where they downed shots of tequila, Lead Character and friends ate the whole day. First was at 12nn. They ordered a bowl of soup that they thought was enough for one person, but turned out to be enough to feed eighteen wrestlers. They also had chicken and pork adobo and chicken curry that they couldn't finish even after their second meal at 4pm. At around 8pm, Lead Character ordered a plateful of spaghetti bolognese that had so much meat in it JabberedOnion couldn't help but dig in herself, despite her assertion that she was not hungry.

Stay tuned to find out how Lead Character and friends partied on a Saturday night in the city of love.

If You're Ever in Iloilo, part 1

2010-11-29T11:19:00.040+08:00

Season 2 Episode 05

If you're ever in Iloilo, do not check into City Corporate Inn!

Lead Character and his friends decided to fly to Iloilo for the Visayas Blogger Summit, which Lead Character hoped would improve his sitcom-blog's ratings and thereby avoid getting axed.

The only hotel they found online that had free wi-fi in the rooms at affordable rates was City Corporate Inn. But much to their dismay, the experience was horrific.

There was no Internet connection in the room. They can get into the wifi network, but Internet access was nonexistent. The person-in-charge (or whatever her job title was, as Lead Character thought at first she was the VP of Staff Members Who Do Not Love Their Jobs--she only smiled once; the rest of the time she looked like she was contemplating suicide) went up to their room to show Lead Character and his friends, JabberedOnion and Joy Bee, that she can browse on her laptop. Lead Character wasn't convinced because even his phone could not pick up the Internet connection, as well as JabberedOnion's laptop and iPhone. But as shown in previous episodes, Lead Character doesn't really have the personality to be bossy, so he kept quiet about it. Thankfully, JabberedOnion is a raving maniac when it comes to bad customer service, so she told the alleged VP of SMWDNLTJ off that the Internet was the main reason they chose their hotel. Unfortunately, the issue remained unresolved.

Another shitty thing about the room was that even if it featured a mini-fridge, it had no outlet close by to be plugged into. Joy Bee had to drag the mini-fridge right outside the bathroom, which had the only sensible electrical outlet available.

And just when you think all the terror ends there, you're wrong. Lead Character and friends couldn't find the remote control for the TV anywhere. When they asked Room Service where it was, they were simply told that they were to pay Php 200 for having lost it.

Well, isn't that just icing on the cake.

Stay tuned to find out how Lead Character and his friends found a much better hotel to stay in when you're in Iloilo.

Lead Character Is One of Those Who Can Lower Your Risks of Prostate and Testicular Cancer

2010-11-12T21:05:00.001+08:00

Find out from this recent study:

"Conducted over a period of four years, the research involved 600 men aged 23 to 54 who exclusively identify as heterosexual and enjoy penetrative vaginal sex with women. They were divided into two groups: one received oral sex on a daily basis from a team of experienced homosexual men, while the other did not. At the end of the study, all 600 were screened for prostate and testicular cancer. Eight tested positive for prostate cancer; six for testicular. All fourteen were from the group that did not get serviced orally by gay men."

Lead Character Learns Absolute Truths at a Wake

2010-10-20T01:51:00.004+08:00

Season 2, Episode 04

LEAD CHARACTER’S distant uncle, who wasn’t that much older than LEAD CHARACTER so he considered him his distant cousin, recently died of a heart attack. At the wake, LEAD CHARACTER is herded by his MOTHER here and there to introduce him to relatives he can no longer recall as having been part of his early years, except for the godmother who used to give him presents every Christmas day.

After the litany, LEAD CHARACTER walks up to the coffin to view his dead cousin. Dead people look very peaceful, something that LEAD CHARACTER envies. People who are left to live usually have things in their heads bugging them, be it something as painful as losing a loved one, or something as wonderful as finding one, or something as mundane as getting a new haircut for a job interview. For LEAD CHARACTER, as long as you’re alive, you’ll always be bound by time—ghosts of the past, challenges of an undecided future, and the strenuous feat of keeping it together for the present. But when you’re dead, you transcend time. There is no past, no present, no future. LEAD CHARACTER wishes he were dead.

However, LEAD CHARACTER’S rumination on death is interrupted when a group of men and women walk in with guitars and sheet music and Bibles. Everyone at the wake is then asked to take their seats. LEAD CHARACTER thinks for a moment that they’re going to have another round of prayers for the dead, but he’s wrong. The arrival of the group of men and women is not for the dead, but for the living. The group, it turns out, is there to proselytize.

After a couple of praise and worship songs, the group’s leader, who looks a lot like German Moreno (thus from hereon will be referred to as GERMAN MORENO), starts his talk with verses from the Bible that state absolute truths about life. They’re absolute truths because they’re from the Bible. Apparently the Christian Bible is as infallible as the sun rising in the east.

Absolute Truth #1: People die.

LEAD CHARACTER is stunned. He thought some people are immortal, like Madonna. But then again, maybe Madonna is already dead. She just looks alive these days because of Adobe Photoshop.

Absolute Truth #2: We’ll never know when we’re going to die.

LEAD CHARACTER is even more stunned. He thought he knew exactly when he’s going to die: October 27th, 2012, 4:38pm.

Absolute Truth #3: There is hell.

LEAD CHARACTER is impressed. Apparently, GERMAN MORENO has been to hell and back.

GERMAN MORENO: Now, if you want to avoid going to hell, whose fires are black, which are a lot more painful than yellow and blue fire, all you need to do is accept Jesus as your personal savior. Now let us all close our eyes and bow our heads. . . .

LEAD CHARACTER looks around. Pretty much everyone is hesitant. Who knows what will happen if everyone had their eyes closed? GERMAN MORENO will still steal a wet kiss from an unsuspecting person?

After a few more urging, everyone bows their heads. LEAD CHARACTER bows his head but keeps his eyes open, keeping close watch on his crotch to make sure nothing untoward will happen to it.

GERMAN MORENO: Now, I would like you to raise your hand if you want me to include you in my prayers.

LEAD CHARACTER knows exactly what is happening. If he raises his hand, GERMAN MORENO will acknowledge that LEAD CHARACTER has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior, thereby making him go to (gasp!) heaven, a place full of baby harpists in golden diapers. That, for LEAD CHARACTER, is creepy.

GERMAN MORENO: OK, we only have one person here who hasn’t raised his hand. Young man, don’t you want to accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?

LEAD CHARACTER panics. He’s pretty sure GERMAN MORENO is referring to him.

GERMAN MORENO: Young man?

LEAD CHARACTER doesn’t move an inch. He pretends to be asleep.

GERMAN MORENO: Young man, do you want to go to hell?

Yes, LEAD CHARACTER thinks. Hell is full of oiled musclemen screaming. Yes, I’d like to go to hell please.

But LEAD CHARACTER doesn’t respond. Apparently, pretending to be asleep is not helping. LEAD CHARACTER pushes the envelope and pretends to be dead.

Fringe Benefits of Having No Sense of Direction

2010-08-05T21:16:00.004+08:00

A lot can be said about people when falling in line at the order counter of McDonald's. There are those that know what they want to order; others change their minds at the last minute; and an unfortunate number cannot afford what they really want, so they're stuck with something else. I have been all three. It's a beautiful day when I crave for a quarter pounder and that's exactly what I get. It's a mess if I crave for a quarter pounder and end up getting the chicken-spaghetti meal, just because the pictures made me change my mind. What would happen is, even if I got satisfied with the chicken and spaghetti, I'd always wonder how I'd have felt had I ordered the quarter pounder that was in my mind in the first place. It's hell if I want a quarter pounder and all I can afford is a cheeseburger (not the cheeseburger meal; just one cheeseburger).

In life, there are people who end up exactly what they've always wanted to be; there are those that wanted to be this, but discover later that they want to be something else; and there are also those that could never be what they want to be, because they do not fulfill the necessary requirements to attain that goal. I have been all three. However, to avoid embarrassing myself, I will not divulge what it was that I wanted and successfully attained, what I thought I wanted and ended up satisfied with something else, and what I could never be or have. Besides, that is not the reason why I'm writing this anyway.

I'm writing this because after having been all three, I am now irreversibly one of the fourth type of people waiting in line at McDonald's. These people are perhaps rare to come across, but not as uncommon as you think. These are the people who, while they might be in line, are not really intent on ordering. They're just there because it's a necessity to eat, and not because they crave for a specific meal. In life, these are the people who have no sense of direction. And I (yes, bitch) am one of them.

It isn't all that bad. When you have no sense of direction, you are in no particular hurry. When you are in no hurry, the less things upset you, if at all. When nothing upsets you, people think you're wise, that you're above them. In a way, you are above them. People sometimes bitch about not getting the correct change at the counter, or being asked to wait for their order, but you, you don't care. And when you finally get your turn to order, you can either ask for something instantly or take your time, oblivious to the people behind you, because you can never hate yourself whether you get a quarter pounder or spaghetti or chicken or end up stepping out to see what Jollibee has. In the same regard, you can write something totally pointless and not even fini

Lead Character's Top Ten Glee Moments (Season One)

2010-06-19T23:03:00.003+08:00

10. Jesse St. James's first appearance. When Jesse St. James (Jonathan Groff) first appeared, Lead Character gasped. He is a big fan of Spring Awakening, and seeing a Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff reunion made Lead Character burst into song, specifically "Touch Me". Now, how about a Duncan Sheik guest appearance in season two?

9. It's My Life/Confessions, Pt. 2 Mash-Up. There's no question that Glee introduced the concept of Mash-Up, and they started it well: the boys singing "It's My Life" (Jon Bon Jovi) and "Confessions, Pt. 2" (Usher). Of course, it's been done before, but not everyone knew it had a name. Lead Character didn't know it had a name. And now Mash-Ups are everyone's new way of singing in the bathroom. As of this morning, Lead Character's shower mash-up (and also while taking a dump) is "Killer Queen" (Queen) and "Killer Queen" (Travis).

8. Kurt comes out to his dad. We should have been spared from this cliché in television, but it's undeniable that this was still a touching scene. "I'd known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels... I love you just as much." Aww.

7. Mr. Schue and Rachel sing "Endless Love". In what is probably the funniest first five minutes in any episode of Glee, Mr. Schue's overacting pays off.

6. Brittany teaches the group how to do a Hairography. "Just pretend you're being tasered." Classic! "It's like cool epilepsy." Classicker!

5. Artie's Safety Dance. Because Joss Whedon is a genius and he directed this episode. And Jollibee appears in the background, proof that the Glee kids are not in Lima, Ohio, but in California. Hee hee.

4. Idina Menzel and Lea Michele sing "I Dreamed a Dream". Here, I do not see them as Ms. Shelby and Rachel. I see them as Idina and Lea, power women in theater who can pull off such a touching scene through their voices. Also, Joss Whedon is a genius and he directed this episode.

3. The Glee members sing "Ride Wit Me". Live singing (correct me if I'm wrong), no lip syncing, pure fun. Glee should do all their numbers this way.

2. The football team dancing to "Single Ladies". Of course, Glee will always be remembered for having a football team dance to "Single Ladies". It's illogical, forced, corny, but this scene was probable the most talked about after the episode aired.

1. And of course, the best Glee moment is in the following video. This number just makes me want to jump in my seat and celebrate the love of our Almighty God.

Lead Character Gets His First Ever Moleskine Notebook

2010-06-08T01:32:00.002+08:00

Season 2 Episode 03

Lead Character Almost Misses His Flight

2010-03-31T22:03:00.004+08:00

Season 2 Episode 02

LEAD CHARACTER hops into a cab and tells the CABBIE to take him to the airport, fast, as he’s running late. His flight is at 4:20pm. It’s already 3:10. The CABBIE smiles as he steps on it.

CABBIE: Who’s your President?

LEAD CHARACTER: Huh?

CABBIE: Your President … who are you voting for?

LEAD CHARACTER: Yeah, I know. I was just wondering why you want to know.

CABBIE: You know, people who are in a hurry are usually mocked by Fate. You get all sorts of interceptions along the way and you might end up missing your flight.

LEAD CHARACTER: OK! I’m voting for Noynoy.

The cab accelerates.

CABBIE: I’m voting for Villar.

LEAD CHARACTER: OK.

LEAD CHARACTER manages to stop his face from throwing out a look of disgust. He thinks Villar is full of shit. Villar’s campaign revolves around having grown up poor in order to appeal to the masses. LEAD CHARACTER doesn’t believe any of it, and he’s annoyed that people actually buy it. With Villar in his TVC are really poor children (or child actors portraying poor children), who sing that only Villar can take them out of poverty. If that's the case, why not showcase the children as rich already? Is Villar only planning on making them rich after shooting the commercial, or after the elections, in case he wins? And what if he doesn't win? Will those children stay poor?

CABBIE: Why are you voting for Noynoy, anyway?

LEAD CHARACTER (squirming in his seat): It’s just a family consensus. My mother wants our votes to be uniform.

The truth is, LEAD CHARACTER is still torn between Gibo and Noynoy. Gibo for he’s such a cutie, and Noynoy for having come from a decent, historically-relevant family. Yes, per LEAD CHARACTER’S standards, Kris Aquino is decent, and she herself is historically-relevant—all by herself. (Who else kept an entire nation glued to the TV screen to hear her recount having contracted a sexually transmitted disease?) LEAD CHARACTER is yet to vote for a dream president, though. His dream president would have to have a no-bullshit campaign that encourages a certain belief system that LEAD CHARACTER would have to delve deeper into in another episode as it’s neither here nor there.

Later, they get jammed in traffic. The CABBIE turns to LEAD CHARACTER and winks.

CABBIE: I told you. Interceptions.

LEAD CHARACTER sinks in his seat.

They arrive at the airport at 3:50pm. There should still be enough time. LEAD CHARACTER sprints to the Check-In Counter. There are around 4 people huddled around it. A SECURITY GUARD notices LEAD CHARACTER.

GUARD: Where are you off to?

LEAD CHARACTER: Kalibo.

GUARD (panicked): Oh Em Eff Gee!!! (to the counter) We have another one for Kalibo! This isn’t good…. (to LEAD CHARACTER) Give me your papers! Quick!

LEAD CHARACTER feels like throwing up. He hands his itinerary and ID to the GUARD.

Weird enough, LEAD CHARACTER gets his boarding pass first. The 3 or 4 people queueing, which include a kindly nun, have not gotten their boarding passes yet.

LEAD CHARACTER heads to where he’s supposed to pay for a terminal fee. It’s closed. He doesn’t know what to do. He starts to think how nuns bother him. Nuns immediately get good impressions for wearing a habit. People inevitably think of them as cool and gentle because of what they wear. Even LEAD CHARACTER thinks of them immediately as kind and cool and gentle. Even the nun earlier at the Check-In Counter who moved at a glacial pace seemed nice and readily likable. But the other civilians in line, Lead Character would have to size them up first for the way they speak, the way they dress, and, if possible, see if they were Mac or Windows users.

GUARD: What are you doing? Go to the next one! You’re lucky you were allowed in. The plane’s already cruising….

LEAD CHARACTER runs. He runs his chubby ass out to the gate, zooming past the waiting area, straight to the tarmac where, from a distance, under the piercing heat of the sun, men in yellow point him to where his plane is. Looking ahead, he sees three planes lined up, and he doesn’t know which one the men are pointing to. He takes his chances and goes up to the first one. FLIGHT ATTENDANT 1 is standing over him at the top of the ladder.

LEAD CHARACTER (panting): Is this for Kalibo?

FLIGHT ATTENDANT 1: Why, yes, Sir.

LEAD CHARACTER, relieved like crazy, steps inside and finds that … lo and behold … he's all alone, except for FLIGHT ATTENDANT 2, who smiles at him earnestly.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT 2: LEAD CHARACTER, you’re the first to arrive.

THE END

The Gospel According to Lead Character - Noah's Ark

2010-02-23T09:46:00.006+08:00

This will be a new section on here, something which Lead Character wishes to enlighten his viewers/readers with every week.

For this week, the Gospel According to Lead Character* is the story of Noah and his famous Ark.

* Please note that this section is inspired by Stewie Griffin of Family Guy. He once told Brian Griffin the story of when God asked Abraham to kill his son Isaac, and Lead Character thought it was genius.

Lead Character's Top Ten Favorite Movies of the Noughties

2009-12-31T23:42:00.002+08:00

I'm lazy so I will not bother telling the story why I love these movies. I would just have to list them all. Happy New Year, Lead Character fans! ;)

10. Mga Pusang Gala (2005), Ellen Ongkeko-Marfil

9. This Is England (2006), Shane Meadows

8. Y tu mamá también (2001), Alfonso Cuarón

7. Requiem for a Dream (2000), Darren Aronofsky

6. Engkwentro (2009), Pepe Diokno

5. Rachel Getting Married (2008), Jonathan Demme

4. Closer (2004), Mike Nichols

3. Lost In Translation (2003), Sofia Coppola

2. Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros (2005), Auraeus Solito

1. There Will Be Blood (2007), P.T. Anderson

Runners Up:
Das Leben Der Anderen (2006), Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Amores Perros (2000), Alejandro González Iñárritu
Slumdog Millionaire (2008), Danny Boyle
The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001, 2002, 2003), Peter Jackson
Love Actually (2003), Richard Curtis
De battre mon coeur s'est arrêté (2005), Jacques Audiard

Sci-Hi '99 10-Year High School Reunion Live Blog

2009-12-27T16:55:00.015+08:00

Just got here at Microtel for our Tanned @ Ten, Sci-Hi 99's 10-year high school reunion.

Present so far are Paul Y, Carina, Joy M., Joy B., Abigail Cruz, Julius C., Simpay, Den2x, Anna Monisit (whose first comment is that I'd gone chubby!!!), Anbern, John Misa, and of course, yours truly.

Polyne L. and Marlou Q. were sent home for not wearing all-white.

Here's a snapshot of me and Joy B. on our way to Microtel.

4:54PM: More people have arrived: June Ediza, Joan T., Ethel Jo, John Maunes.

5:03PM: The arrival of the Naning Girls: Joy P., Aileen O., Kristine E., Shereen (is this how her name is spelled? I'm so sorry Shereen!), and Michelle M. OMG, Michelle M. looks effing hot. Honest!

5:10PM: Things are quiet for now. Probably because we're all hungry. I, for one, am VERY hungry.

Thanks for the comments, Tim! Wish you were here! Ma-micture sa ko. Joy B. is chatting right now with Tim and Chiqui on YM. Julius hinted people will be thrown into the pool later. I hope not. I cannot take my shirt off because of large, distinct hickies. It's a hot mess.

5:18PM: Cathy G. just arrived. They're singing "Maayong buntag kapamilya" to her (or at her? Hehehe).

Here are more pictures:

Kristine Echica, I'm sorry for calling you a bitch earlier! You're very nice. :)

5:33PM: We're about to start. Joy B. will be leading the prayer, Prayer for the Nation by Ferdinand Marcos - the very 30-minute prayer we used to recite back in high school during flag ceremony on Mondays and flag retreat on Fridays.

Re: Chiqs, what do you mean you and Tims are facing the wall? OMG! I know what you mean now. I'll find the laptop giving you the broadcast!

Time lapse: OK I think it's fixed now.

Josua Sacedon just arrived.

5:44PM: Here come Kenneth, Punky, Debbie, and Toni. :D They are greeted with yells.

Joy fucked up the prayer a couple of times. Polyne then gave a welcome speech.

Now, games.

I'm so hungry!

Erratum: Punky is not here. Must have seen his doppleganger.

6:02PM: Just got voted Funniest in Class, much to Kenneth's dismay. He thinks he's the funniest. Won a Victoria's Secret Lotion. Woot!

More people just arrived. No, we haven't eaten yet. Glency's here. Still stunning as ever. Thomas E is here, too. She's also stunning. I was absolutely stunned. I think I spotted Don Fruto (Wala ka na Don Fruto!). Kette Espinas also got her. Some people he looks a bit like Joy Marpa now. I am yet to acknowledge that.

6:16PM: Just finished playing games. Dinner now. Will take a break.

Later!

6:48PM: Done eating. Can't believe I finished in just 20 minutes. People are still talking, reminiscing. More people got here since my last update. There was Czarnie, James Mangubat, Rodney, Mutia Dakila (or Dakila Mutia?). Not sure yet what the organizers have in store for everyone next.

8:08PM: Beer drinking contest, girl edition:

June won. Shameless!

4:22AM: We're at Glency's. Drunk and tired. Only a few people remain. Will post updates by tomorrow when I wake up. Need to copyedit and put captions on pictures.

I'm very sorry Andrea if we logged off the webcam before you got home. VERY VERY SORRY!!! Thanks for the lechon, though. ;)

Lead Character Is a Kid Who Doesn't Fit In, Among Other Things

2009-12-25T10:20:00.000+08:00

By admission of Lauren Leto, creator of this very neat site Texts from Last Night, Lead Character is a kid who doesn't fit in, a smart geek, a workaholic seeking validation, and at the same time a girl who keeps journals whose significant other grabs him (or her?) under the table in order to shut him (or her?) up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong.

Lead Character is thankful that by being stereotyped by his favorite authors, he now knows more about himself.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Lead Character is not a Jesus person, but is thankful nonetheless for the celebration of Christmas.

(Lauren Leto should also point out that if you love Richard Dawkins and J.D. Salinger at the same time, you are a non-Jesus person who enjoys Christmas.)

Engkwentro (2009)

2009-12-13T23:27:00.004+08:00

Most movies that I really love only won me over because of their ending. It doesn’t matter much to me if while watching it all I can say is that it’s mediocre. When the ending bowls me over, I will say it’s a favorite. PT Anderson’s Magnolia was just a great movie for me until it ended, and I immediately thought it was a work of genius.

Such is a similar case with Engkwentro (English title: Clash), debut film of 22-year-old Pepe Diokno. It was just OK for me, but then the ending made me gasp. It’s already December 13th, and I finally saw my favorite movie of the year.

The movie opens with words over black: “In the last decade, over 814 people have been killed by state-sponsored vigilantes in the Philippines. Many of the victims were children.” This made me shift in my seat. A movie made by a 22-year-old with political agenda; man, this is going to suck. When I was 22, all I cared about was booze, among other petty things.

But I was wrong. About twenty minutes into the movie, I completely forgot about its political agenda. I sat up, realizing that that entire twenty minutes had been one long take, only to get cut around ten minutes later. I wouldn’t say it was all that effective. It was clumsy at best, but still, the effort was astounding.

I am not a big fan of indie movies shot digitally. The shaky camera work is usually nauseating. Worse, the lighting is compromised. In Engkwentro, when it’s dark, it’s really dark. I’m not sure if Pepe Diokno had a cinematographer, or if the cinematographer just called in sick when they did those shots. And even if this technique is supposed to heighten the realism of it all, all I can feel is annoyance. In the movie’s chase/fight scenes, I was tempted to climb up the projection booth to adjust the contrast, brightness, and perhaps play it all in slow motion.

What makes Engkwentro a rare gem, though, in the world of crappy Pinoy indie movies, is that it doesn’t wallow in shock value. If anything, its supposed “shock value” is nothing but lame. As the camera goes around a labyrinthine slums area, it catches nothing special. Sure, kids are smoking cigarettes and weed, drinking beer, playing around with a gun, but none of those things are anything to be so shocked about. In this day and age when filmmakers are up to their asses pushing the envelope, Pepe Diokno chose to simply sit on it, which isn’t a bad thing. There is something else that the young director wants to push across: a message. Vigilante killing is wrong. And I am reminded of this by the end of the movie, when that hitman whispers to a sobbing young boy, describing how calm and quiet the sea is, right before the cold-blooded gunshot. This one scene, I thought, was chilling.

Best part of watching the movie in SM Cinema 8, though, was waiting for it to start. There were only two of us in the movie house. Apparently, New Moon has more importance to the Filipino moviegoing community that virtually no one bothered to watch Engkwentro. And what do you do when there’s no one else in the theater and what they play is Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”? Dance, of course.

Paper Cup

2009-12-02T18:33:00.000+08:00

My eyes traverse this whole side of the earth
in a paper cup.
I have emptied it a minute ago--
black coffee I almost spilled
when you asked me something
unanswerable

And yet I did answer
the same time I reprimanded myself
for having emptied the cup too soon.
I didn’t want to startle you
so I stayed silent about coffee particles
that have settled to the base:

They refuse to dissolve, continents of them
like how it must feel
to stay self, particulate
despite intimations of promises
I cannot dare unmask.
And I bask

At how well I hid from you
the strangest information of
their motility when I tilted the container--
paper cup whose rim I tore up
when I told you something
incomprehensible

Like time.

Latak (English Title: Residue)

2009-12-01T19:44:00.006+08:00

From the opening lines of this trailer alone, I can tell that this movie is going to rock my world. The main character goes “How could you do this to me? My God! I trusted you. How could you do this to me?” For me, the delivery is just so powerful it closely competes with Mark Lapid’s delivery of “Oo! Inaamin ko! Saging lang kami! Pero maghanap ka ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso! Saging lang ang may puso!” (“Yes, I admit it! We’re but bananas! But you can search all the trees in the entire Philippines, only the banana has a heart! Only the banana has a heart!”) in the movie Apoy sa Dibdib ng Samar (Flame at the Heart of Samar). I can just prophesize that Latak will offer this century a new addition to classic movie lines, like “You’re nothing but a second-rate, trying-hard copycat!” and “Here’s looking at you, kid.” Yes, even through the trailer alone, I can tell that Latak is going to be a classic in Casablanca magnitude.

And don’t even get me started with the synopsis. On the movie’s Multiply site, it poses you the question: “What if your nightmare faces you?” Immediately after reading that single line, I asked myself, “What if indeed?” And what I got were chills down my spine. I do not ever want to find out. This movie is just so profound and I’ve only seen the trailer! The site goes on with the following:

When a young director Andrew Locsin discovers the cruel betrayal of his lover and friends, his vice triggers a destructive entanglement of his dark past.

An ordeal that was haunting his unconsciousness and  graphic memories, surfaces. Thrown into a mix of  spine-chilling hallucinations and paranoia he comes face to face with the mysterious ghosts of a mother and a girl. With no one to trust, the demons in his nightmares appear in his fight for survival in a horrifying doomed reality.

Extracted from a tumultuous true to life events, the film will take you into the dark side of grim reality.

I don’t know about you, guys, but that just screams Fellini to me. I mean, wow. This might even be better than a Fellini as I slept through 8 1/2. But this one, Latak. . .even the trailer moves me so deeply that whenever someone does something wrong to me, say, a Starbucks barista gives me my chai latte grande instead of venti, I'd want to tell him/her: "How could you do this to me? My God! I trusted you! How could you do this to me?"

Birthday Dinner

2009-11-30T21:25:00.002+08:00

short fiction

MICHEL SETS A plateful of spaghetti on the table. He made it just the way Alfonso likes it: Pinoy-style—sweet and spicy. He next arranges a loaf of bread in a circle on a large plate, with a bar of unsalted butter at the center. His plan is to have them toasted later, buttered, and then sprinkled with McCormick Garlic Bread Sprinkle. Just the way Alfonso likes it.

This is going to be one delightful birthday dinner for Alfonso.

Michel’s relationship with Alfonso is complicated beyond words. This is probably because Michel is a Leo, and he can get pretty cranky at times. When they fight, Michel craves for an argument, an exchange of words, so they can settle their issues in one sitting. Alfonso is Aquarian, and he can be such a pushover, a doormat. It pains Michel each time Alfonso caves with an apology immediately, regardless of whoever’s at fault. No matter how you look at it, it’s always Michel who ends up feeling defeated.

The clock strikes seven. Alfonso should be home any minute. Michel walks over to the fridge and takes out a 1.5-liter bottle of Coke then places it on the table. He leaves the bottle of rum inside the fridge for now. He’s sure Alfonso will want to have a drink later, foreseeably rum-and-Coke, as Alfonso doesn’t really drink anything else. Thankfully, though, Alfonso is not totally a drinker. He simply enjoys a nightcap once in a while. Usually Alfonso comes home too exhausted from work he only has time for dinner, a drink, and the first ten minutes of a Hollywood movie that he falls asleep to.

Alfonso is quite fond of Hollywood movies. He is drawn to the glamorous look of the celebrities that star in them. Alfonso’ss favorite movie, as far as Michel knows, is Heathers, a 1989 film starring Wynona Rider and Christian Slater. The movie, if Michel remembers correctly, circles around the topic of teen suicide, and it amuses him that Alfonso is so into it, even if Alfonso is the least suicidal person he knows.

It’s seven-thirty. Michel is hungry. He pours himself half a glass of Coke and grabs a slice of bread. He figures he and Alfonso should have dinner together, so a slice of bread shall do for now. He considers lighting some candles for a moment. “Candles… Ha!” he says out loud then shakes his head in amusement. Alfonso would never want a candle-lit dinner. It’s too… bourgeois. That is one thing Michel really likes about Alfonso. Alfonso doesn’t thrive on things that are beyond them. Michel can sum up Alfonso with Pinoy-style spaghetti, quasi-garlic bread, and rum-and-Coke. None too lavish.

Eight-fifteen, the clock says. Michel curls up in the sofa and grabs a book. He’s not really into books, but there’s nothing else to do. Alfonso meanwhile is quite literate. The dork has probably read all of Sidney Sheldon and Tom Clancy and Frederick Forsythe. Michel doesn’t even know squat about any of them. He tries to read a chapter off the book he’s grabbed. “’If Tomorrow Comes.’ Interesting title…” Michel tells himself. A couple of pages into it, he dozes off.

* * *

THERE’S HEAVY POUNDING on the door and Michel jolts right up. Eleven-thirty, the clock tells him. He runs to the door and opens it.

“What the fuck took you—“

Alfonso falls right to the floor.

“Jesus! What happened?” He pulls Alfonso up and finds that his shirt is smeared with blood. Alfonso’s right eye is bruised and swollen and his gums and ears are bleeding.

“Trouble with a client…” Alfonso says, barely audibly.

Michel drags Alfonso to the sofa and lets him lie there. “I’ll go get some water.” He runs to the kitchen.

Alfonso starts to sob. “I want to stop doing this.”

“C’mon, now. Don’t say that.” Michel goes back over to Alfonso and has him take a few gulps of cold water. “What happened?”

“The new client, the middle-aged notary public, that sonofabitch. He wanted to take all ten packets but he could only pay for half of them…” Alfonso can barely finish his sentences. He is sobbing and gasping for air at the same time. “Then he started hitting me, and kicking me, and he took everything, including all the money. I could barely make it here. I had to walk.”

Michel shakes his head. “That motherfucker….” He stares at Alfonso, who is by now crouching on the sofa like a scared caterpillar. He strokes Alfonso’s head. “Are you hungry? I cooked some spaghetti for you, and I can toast you some bread with butter and garlic sprinkle….”

Alfonso doesn’t say anything back.

Michel sighs and starts to stand up. “Just stay there. I’ll bring you the food myself.”

In the kitchen, while toasting bread, Michel hears Alfonso calling out to him.

“What?” he yells back.

Alfonso calls out to him again with that scratchy voice. Michel can barely make out any words.

“I can’t hear you, Alfonso. Just wait for me to get back there, OK?”

Michel goes back to Alfonso with a plateful of spaghetti and toasted bread, now buttered and sprinkled with McCormick Garlic Bread Sprinkle. His heart breaks at the sight of Alfonso, all battered like a crushed worm.

“What were you saying?” he asks.

Alfonso clears his throat and hesitates for a minute. “I…”

“What?” Michel grins. “C’mon, it’s your birthday. You can say anything.”

“I want to stop doing this. I’m serious. It’s too much. Please…” Alfonso begins to sob again.

Michel stares at Alfonso for a minute, heaving deeply. Then he hurls the plate to the wall. “You ungrateful piece of shit!” He grabs Alfonso by the collar. “Do you know how much trouble I’ve been through for you? Do you even have any idea?”

Alfonso looks him in the eye, quaking with fear. “It’s just that—“

He strikes Alfonso across the face. Alfonso sobs harder. Michel drops Alfonso back on the sofa. “Look…” he says, gently, in a consoling tone. “Let’s not get into this, OK?”

Alfonso’s sobbing slowly begins to subside.

“It’s your birthday, Alfonso. Just eat. There’s still spaghetti left on the table.”

Alfonso nods, sniffling and wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

Michel sits beside Alfonso, stroking his back. “You’re twelve now. In a few months, you’ll be in high school. Just give it four more years. Just finish high school and then you’re free to go. You do want to finish high school, don’t you?”

Alfonso nods again.

“Besides, once I get to bail Paolo out of prison, your load will get lighter. It’s just difficult right now, what with Mickey’s death and all.”

“OK.”

Michel stands up and yawns. “I’m going to bed. Clean up that mess, will you?” He nods his head towards the broken plate and spilt food across the room. “I haven’t even eaten yet. I waited for you all night. You have to think about other people for once.”

Alfonso starts for the broom and dustpan behind the door. “I’m sorry,” he says under his breath.

“And get something to eat before you go to bed,” Michel says as he opens the door to his room. “I don’t want you to sleep hungry.”

“I will, Tito.”

Michel gives Alfonso one last look before stepping inside his room. It truly breaks his heart, the way Alfonso submits with an apology all the time. He’s a good boy, that Alfonso, considering.

“Good night! I’ll take care of that dickhead tomorrow, don’t worry.” Michel closes the door behind him. He considers buying Alfonso a DVD copy of Heathers in the morning, as a post-birthday gift. “And happy birthday!” he yells from his room.

“Thank you,” Alfonso says as he starts to sweep the floor.

THE END

Waiting

2009-11-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

There are minutes, and there are
Hours -- and half of one
Already seems too long
If your hands are empty

Of someone else's skin
To fondle.
He promised me his time, yet
I still feel like a fool, asking for half a day

Of his.
Tongue, lips, heaving chest --
Like minutes they dissolve
Into mere memories. I do not

Recall ever wanting him
This much,
Such that I'd will myself
To sit idle

Waiting for him to show up.
Until minutes clump into a half-hour
And the fool that I make
Myself out of

Flutter off abandoned in the wind
Like a candy wrapper on a
Cold, cold
Morning.

What the Fuck Is the Big Deal With Power?

2009-11-27T09:50:00.001+08:00

If I were to have power, I would like it to be supernatural, like the power of flight. The power of flight, most especially, because then I would be able to go to places without worrying about traffic. I’d only have to worry about the sun if I flew during noontime. Hell, this would prevent me from going to work late. Although, come to think of it, since I currently have a home-based job, I do not have to worry about going to work late; all I need to worry about is waking up early. I could then just wish for the power of being able to sleep whenever I need to, as because of my insomnia (or the inability of my mind to shut itself during bedtime) I barely get any sleep on work days. In this case, though, I could just wish for the power to not sleep at all for all eternity. This way, I can do all the things that need to get done in a day. I can even juggle three jobs all at once while working on a novel, a screenplay, and a book of faux love poems dedicated to a hurtful man. Any extra hours I could just spend self-learning French.

Of all the kinds of power one could wish for, I do not see why someone would crave badly for political power. So much so that the massacre of 57 or so people is a necessity if that political power were threatened.

When I found out about the Maguindanao massacre, which is now aptly called the Ampatuan massacre (after the name of the town where the crime took place, which is also named after the very family suspected of being responsible for this horrific turn of human events), I could not help but well up. The very idea of mass killing just to protect a legacy that does not even predict the ending to “Lost” (one of the most important things on the planet) is just too confusing for me.

Photo taken from the Facebook group
"JUSTICE FOR THE VICTIMS OF
MAGUINDANAO MASSACRE, PHILIPPINES"

Why the fuck kill?

Why the fuck kill 57 or so people?

This whole thing reminded me of my friend’s father, who was shot a couple of years ago today (I will never forget because it happened during Thanksgiving Day in the U.S.) just because he ran for mayor in a town where the last mayor at the time was killed as backlash for his own oppressive ways. Even with the mayor killed, the area was pretty much still run by his family, which made my friend’s father decide to run to end the oppression once and for all. My friend’s father lost the election, but even after that, his car was sprayed with bullets on his way home from work. He lived, thank goodness, but so did injustice, because the shooters were never apprehended, and the people who masterminded the shooting would always remain suspects.

I just hope this time, with 57 or so people shot to death like they were mere plastic ducks in some transient fair that pops up during town fiestas, justice will be served.

Or I will surely wish for the power to cause torturous guilt. And those murderous horsefuckers will be so sorry they’ll end up chewing on shards of glass, and even that won’t be enough to atone for their shit.

Just for Kicks

2009-11-25T11:12:00.001+08:00

7MBCBZXM3GCN

"V"

2009-11-10T13:37:00.004+08:00

A blogger that I’m sort of following cites that “V” inspires nothing but eye-rolls. A couple of Facebook contacts of mine state in their status that they do not know what to think about “V” yet, but would gladly give it another chance. Maybe I do not have any taste at all, especially that I am not exactly a Sci-Fi fanatic, but I thought “V” inspired nothing but goosebumps. I thought it had the best pilot for a TV show this year, or probably even this decade (next to “Lost,” of course).

What I like most about “V,” despite some of its characters being worn-out clichés, is that it does not pose this huge mystery that is supposed to unravel in too many years to come. After “Lost,” too many TV shows have tried to put us in this exhausting position of forever waiting for answers. I think one show is enough. “Fringe” started out well enough, but in the long run it got terribly benign I had to stop watching it. Just like “Vanished,” “Prison Break,” and “Jericho,” off the top of my head.

But with “V,” we are treated to the usual fare of good versus evil, of some epic battle that is clearly going to be the show’s finale—whenever that will be, I hope not too soon.

I wish I could write more about the show, but I’ve already been criticized for my entries being too long, that they are not blog-hopper-friendly. The criticisms mostly come from myself, when I blog-hop into my own blog.

So here’s to hoping this entry is of blog-hopper-friendly length.

And oh, by the way. . .oh wait, this has gotten too long. Nevermind.

The Art of Teleparablizing

2009-10-30T22:05:00.013+08:00

Season 2 Episode 01

Teleparablizing: Morals used in everyday life that derive from TV sitcom plots: “That’s just like the episode where Jan lost her glasses!”
- Douglas Coupland, Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture

Lead Character and another one of his close friends, Becky, are exhausted, even if all they did all day was sit in a coffee shop somewhere along Osmeña Blvd. Now they’re sitting again, outside the coffee shop this time, having their last cigarettes before heading on home.

Becky: Yeah, so that’s pretty much it. He’s acting somewhat like my friend again, despite our history together.

Ah, Becky and her history with whatsisname. To make the long story short, it was a love affair that involved a reckless betrayal of trust. And that was almost two years ago. Two years, and the wound still stings fresh for Becky. And now whatsisname texts her like the good old days—days before the love affair started, way long before the reckless betrayal of trust happened.

Lead Character: Maybe he wants more than friendship again, Beck. Why else would he ask you out to watch In My Life? And why would you watch it with him, anyway? You’ve already seen it....

Becky: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m pretty sure I’m over him. I don’t understand why I want to undo that.

Lead Character: Didn’t Samantha Jones (Sex and the City) have a man in her life who broke her heart once, and when they were given a second chance at it, she let him break her heart again? Maybe you want to go Samantha Jones on him.

Becky (heavy sigh): I don’t want to go Samantha Jones on him; I want to go Carrie Bradshaw on him. At the end of the day, it’s safe to say he’s my Mr. Big.

Lead Character: He’s actually more like your Carrie Bradshaw, and you his Aidan Shaw.

Becky: Whatever, Lead Character.

Lead Character: Whatever, Becky.

Long silence.

Becky: Hey, in case I die, will you tell my parents that I want to be cremated? I really think I’m going to die late next year.

Lead Character (eye-roll): Is this about your suspected tumor again? You really have to see a doctor about that so you can stop guessing.

Becky: Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure I have a tumor.

Lead Character (shifts weight in his seat): Oh, so you already saw an oncologist for that?

Becky: No, female intuition.

Lead Character: This just reminds me of Kitty Walker (Brothers & Sisters). She has cancer now, do you know that?

Becky (shakes head): I don’t really watch Brothers & Sisters.

Lead Character: Oh, well, this is like In My Life then. Luis Manzano’s character had cancer, you know....

Becky: I know. Hey, what happened to your Mr. Big? Any update on the whole unfriending hullabaloo?

Lead Character (laughing): Oh, he is so not my Mr. Big. He’s just plain-old unfriender. No character on TV’s ever unfriended another character on TV, anyway.

Becky: Probably because it’s a lame thing to do. (With conviction) And TV’s never lame!

Lead Character: Right on. I was even tempted to go Blair Waldorf on him, but only for a second. I realized I should just move past it.

Becky: Blair Waldorf...?

Lead Character: Gossip Girl, my dear friend. (Cocking his head) What the hell are you watching these days?

Becky: Uh... So You Think You Can Dance?

Lead Character: Oh, right. Well, we can’t really apply that in real life.

Becky (nodding): I guess we can’t.

Becky and Lead Character put off their final sticks of cigarette and left the coffee shop, calling it a highly productive day.

---

Note to my blog-viewers:

If you have problems you feel you cannot solve on your own, place them in the Comments section here and Lead Character will come up with solutions for you through teleparablizing.

Are you crazy about someone who does not even know you exist? Find out why going Sketch on the person is the best way to go.

Are you getting expelled from school and you have no idea how to handle it? Learn which TV show has proven that the only way past that is to say “Fuck it,” and get into real estate instead.
Looking forward to hearing from you all!

Antichrist (2009)

2009-10-25T22:14:00.008+08:00

Photo taken from http://en.wikipedia.org

Things that came into my mind while watching Lars von Trier’s Antichrist for the third time:

You cannot call a Lars von Trier movie with just its title. It has to include his name possessively. E.g., I only skimmed through Lars von Trier’s The Idiots, hated the middle part but loved the ending to Lars von Trier’s Dancer in the Dark, and I got bored with the first hour of Lars von Trier’s Antichrist, but I thought the remaining half-hour or so kicked major ass. This is somewhat ironic for a Dogme 95 filmmaker, as when they make Dogme films, they are not supposed to be credited at all. However, Lars von Trier’s Antichrist is not a Dogme film.
It would have been fun if Lars von Trier’s Antichrist were a Dogme film. I would not have been subjected to hearing the aria played during the Prologue of the movie, as well as the Epilogue. I do not like arias. I am not cultured enough to tell arias apart. Arias are like Michael Learns to Rock songs; they all sound alike.
If Lars von Trier’s Antichrist were a Dogme film, it would have truly been a horror movie. We would have most likely seen Willem Defoe’s turgid penis, and not his porn double’s.
It’s difficult to classify Lars von Trier’s Antichrist as a horror movie. When horror movies are brought up, I think Shake, Rattle, and Roll, or those Freddy Kruger movies I only saw some clips of. Lars von Trier’s Antichrist for me, despite all the gore and violence and profundity (so much profundity, in fact, that I didn’t get several intellectual layers of it), is more of a romantic comedy.
Lars von Trier’s Antichrist contains a few scenes that are too gruesome to watch. Before watching the movie, I already knew of accounts of moviegoers fainting during its screening at the Cannes Film Festival, and even more recently at the New York Film Festival. When I finally saw those scenes, I thought they were indeed shocking, but only on an amusing level. The third time I watched it with a couple of friends, I could not help but laugh. Hence, I got the comedy part.
How I got the romantic part, you would all have to watch the movie to find out.
The cinematography is so beautiful it made me want to be a cinematographer. But only for a few minutes because I had to stop myself. I cannot want more things in life. I cannot allow that. It would only make me more miserable. I want to be a monk.
I think I’m drunk. Tanduay Ice barely has any alcohol content, but it’s easier to magnify inebriation when one hasn’t had enough sleep.
I need to get some sleep. Will probably watch Lars von Trier’s Antichrist for the fourth time when I wake up.
zzz
Contrary to popular belief, I am not the Antichrist!

Great Boobs of Fire!

2009-10-11T22:00:00.014+08:00

(Season One Finale)

Lead Character and Tee, girlfriend of his girl friend Dee, are sitting bored out of their wits outside Seattle's Best at the Terraces. Dee is still inside finishing something on her laptop. By the time she catches up with Lead Character and Tee, the two are already talking about the Roman Polanski case, the term "hebephilia," the song "Hands Clean" by Alanis Morissette, which is about hebephilia, and, as brought up by Tee, the movie Great Balls of Fire!, which is based on the true story of '50s musician Jerry Lee Lewis, who married a 13-year-old.

Dee: OMG, Tee. Do you have to be such a know-it-all?

Tee: Huh? Really? Was I being a know-it-all? It just so happens I remember the movie....

Lead Character: Yeah, I never really got that know-it-all vibe from you....

Lead Character stops and checks out the guy passing by. The guy has smooth, probably medically-enhanced, skin, and gigantic, gym-developed pecs.

Lead Character (to Dee and Tee): Man, look at those man-boobs! That guy is hot!

Dee knots her brows at Lead Character, right before taking a bat from her purse and clubbing Lead Character with it on the head.

Dee: You horny bitch! Don't you recognize the girl that he's with?

Lead Character (while massaging his bleeding temples): Huh? Who?

Tee: Oh, yeah! I recognize her.

Lead Character (squints at Recognizable Girl): Oh, yeah!

Dee (teary-eyed): OMG! We have to have our picture taken with her! OMG!

Lead Character: OMG! Let's! Let's!

Tee: Um, hehe, yeah, I'll just pass.

Dee and Lead Character hurry off to Recognizable Girl. Other ~~losers~~ mall customers are already having their pictures taken with her.

Dee and Lead Character: Hi, Recognizable Girl! Can we go next!

Recognizable Girl (with a friendly yet uncomfortable smile): Sure, sure!

After Lead Character takes Dee's picture with Recognizable Girl, Lead Character stands right next to Recognizable Girl, whom he realizes now must play Lead Character in Lead Character Chronicles: The Movie.

Dee raises her Blackberry in front of them.

Dee: Say Cheese!

CLICK!

Lead Character (telling himself): This is sooo going on my blog!

Kinatay (2009)

2009-10-09T11:04:00.011+08:00

Photo taken from http://blogs.villagevoice.com

Reviewing a movie like Kinatay (English title: The Execution of P) will prove to be quite a challenge if (a) you watched it in one of the seedy movie houses on Colon Street, (b) the only trailer shown during the screening was this laugh-out-loud-funny sex drama called Salat, (c) you’re not sure if you caught the ending or not, and most importantly since (d), it’s directed by brutal and unsympathetic auteur Brilliante Mendoza, who, just earlier this year, was booed at the Cannes Film Festival for winning Best Director for the movie in question.

For (a), no other movie house in the city chose to screen Kinatay but this old-school movie house somewhere in the Colon area that’s infamous for, well, I’d rather not say. Let’s just put it this way: some moviegoers walked all around the theater the whole time, which made my friends fear for their belongings. I tried to convince them that unless they had a penis, they had nothing to worry about. (They were all female friends, by the way). The one good thing about the movie house being seedy, though, is that since there was no air-conditioning, you’re free to smoke while watching the movie. It actually felt very bourgeois, considering.

(b) Salat is a rare gem. The trailer starts with a naked man and woman who appear to be having sex, but they could very well be just lying down side-by-side caressing each other. I’d like to say it was foreplay, but it seemed too boring to be one. But what makes the movie Salat really stand out from the rest is the acting; it’s hysterical! One scene involves the lead girl pacing around at the beach, in knee-high water, and in a nightgown all mad and distressed, the reason for which is, and I can only guess, she cannot have the man of her dreams. So she paces around crying, screaming, seemingly unsure of what to do next, and then she dives into the water—for an evening swim or to commit suicide, I will never know. Through the trailer alone, I can tell that the screenplay is a winning masterpiece. The lead girl gets consoled by a friend (or a sister) with the following words: “Siya na lang kaya ang pakasalan mo. Total, guapo naman siya at mayaman.” (“Why don’t you marry him instead? He’s handsome and rich, anyway.”) Props to the writer/s for coming up with such a complex character, because apparently, the lead girl does not want to settle for just handsome and rich. Maybe she’s looking for someone no Austen leading man could measure up to? Perhaps, perhaps.

(c) The version of Kinatay that we watched ended abruptly, without the end credits or anything. I felt really uneasy so I turned around to wave at the projectionist in the projection booth behind us. Lo and behold, the projection never came from the projection booth all along as in a regular theater, but rather, at the very front of the balcony, in front of where me and my friends were sitting. So I approached the projectionist and asked him if that was the end of the movie. He said yes. It was too obvious, though, that the movie was not played from a reel, but, I think, from a pirated DVD, so whatever the real ending is, I will only know if and when a legit copy of the movie comes out.

(d) Brilliante Mendoza is brutal and unsympathetic because he does not seem to care what his audience thinks or feels. He just tells the story as it is, with a certain level of detachment that he himself seems like just another spectator. Worse, he’s completely ignored that virtually everyone, even those who claim to be the snobbiest of cinephiles, grew up on Hollywood movies, and would look for proper lighting and scoring. Mendoza might as well be a Dogme filmmaker, because all light and sounds coming from the movie seem to have been shot as they were. No enhancements whatsoever. This does not work all the time. However, in a movie like Kinatay, all the terror is magnified instead. You cannot see much of what’s going on, but you know it’s happening and it gives you chills. This probably contributed to why the movie was walked out on.

See, here’s how the story goes: Peping (Coco Martin) is a newly-wed criminology student who gets invited to run some errand along with other policemen, including Kap (Julio Diaz), the captain of the city’s police force. Unfortunately, they do not go out to do police work but to execute Madonna (Maria Isabel Lopez), a bar girl who owes Kap drug money (Kap, by the way, also happens to be the drug kingpin in the area). When the men start beating Madonna up inside the van, with barely enough light to make anything out, that all you have to make use of primarily is your sense of hearing—you hear Madonna’s pleading for the men to stop, the van running, the dull thuds of the men’s fists and the soles of their shoes stamping all over Madonna—right at that moment, you are placed in Peping’s shoes, who’s too shocked to do anything, too afraid to protest. For Peping, it’s a long night, one horrific nightmare that he wishes to get out of, especially when the situation elevates to the men raping Madonna before chopping up her body parts. The difference between the audience member and Peping is, the audience can easily walk out of that nightmare; Peping has no choice but to play along and stay calm, even to the point of helping out in disposing of Madonna’s body parts. If you’re one of the audience members that sticks to the end (or whatever ending the theater you're watching the movie in offers you), you’re probably sick in the head. That, or you’re in that Colon theater walking around, looking for, well, I’d rather not say.

One of my former bosses pointed out to me that Kinatay seems to be a rip-off of Training Day (Antoine Fuqua). He said that just like Training Day, Kinatay is about a good cop being put in a situation where he is forced to be bad. Well, having seen both movies, I can say that both are just too different to be compared. Next to Kinatay, Training Day seems more like a colorful Disney movie. I can even picture Ethan Hawke now bursting into “Part of Your World,” flipping his fins. This isn’t saying I like one more than the other. I like Kinatay for how different it is, and how real it felt, even at the risk of sounding like a complete psychopath. But I also like Training Day because of great writing, good acting, and top-grade lighting and scoring.

I can totally understand why people hate Kinatay. I even understand why film critic Roger Ebert would deem it unwatchable. But I can also understand why Brilliante Mendoza won Best Director for it. If I were in Cannes that time, watching Brilliante Mendoza accept his award, I would never have booed. I would have probably lit a cigarette, nodding, nodding.

The Hehe Complex

2009-07-31T11:45:00.001+08:00

Because of my overwhelming need to be liked by everyone, I have developed the hehe complex. This isn’t that huge of a deal. I consulted a future-doctor friend who suffers from the same neuropsychiatric disorder and she does not think that it’s anything to be alarmed about. For one, despite this being a relatively new disorder, it’s pretty prevalent among those who text, blog, blog-hop, and instant message. Another, there aren’t any available medications for this condition yet, perhaps because this hasn’t been proven to be harmful to other people. At least not yet.

I do not remember exactly when I started to develop the hehe complex. I just realized earlier today that I’ve been suffering from this condition for as long as I can remember. My doctor friend shared how worried she was that when she apologized to someone over SMS, she ended her text with a “hehe,” which, for her, was inappropriate. How could that other person have possibly taken her apology when she wrote “I’m sorry. Hehe.”?

This made me realize that I add “hehe” on almost every text and instant message that I send, and I got into thinking that this is so because I wanted to be liked, and missing to add “hehe” would seem that I was mad at, or worse, bored by, that other person.

“Hehe,” as we already know, translates to a chuckle. Most of the time, it’s a nervous chuckle. Other times, it’s just a polite one. Mine are mostly polite hehes. Sometimes, they’re nervous, but only subtly, much like when I go: “Are you top or bottom? Hehe.”

Other hehe people—or in medical terms, hehe retards—have their own ways of using the “hehe.” There are those that use “hehe” to confess something, but want a preemptive loophole to take it back in case the truth is not taken lightly.

“No, Ma, I only tried pot once. I’m really more into meth. Hehe.”

The “hehe” in the aforementioned sentence is pretty much the same “hehe” used in the following:

“Yes, we’ve been friends for years, and you’re in love with her. But dammit, I want you. I love you. Each day is like torture knowing you aren’t mine. Hehe.”

If you really think about it, this is actually a self-preserving condition in which the person with the disorder enables him/herself to save face. The bad news, though, is that if left unnoticed, the hehe complex may soon evolve into the haha complex, which is a much more involved psychiatric condition that needs treatment fast.

“I’m very sorry for your loss. Your sister was an exceptional person. Haha.”

To date, no studies have been conducted yet about the hehe complex. Please consider this as an open letter to men of science to finally take notice of this condition. Hehe.

(OMG! That was such a predictable ending!)

P.S. Next week’s topic will be the OMG complex.

Grammar Weekly - Toward or Towards? That Is the Question....

2009-01-11T03:14:00.004+08:00

This segment shouldn't be called Grammar Weekly anymore, but rather, Grammar Sporadically. But because I don't really care what's right or wrong, I'm sticking with Grammar Weekly as it's more promising of something sooner, rather than something uncertain.

So our problem for this week is the use of toward and towards. When do we use one and when do we use the other? The answer is: it's still a mystery. There haven't been any concrete and self-confident claims regarding the usage of both words. But popular opinion maintains that toward is more American English, whilst towards is more British English.

Since we're in the Philippines, just use towards when speaking with an American so you can seem more foreign than necessary.

Until the next sporadic episode!

xoxo
Lead Character

One of the many sources looked up online:
http://tenser.typepad.com/tenser_said_the_tensor/2004/05/toward_and_towa.html

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

2008-12-29T20:07:00.010+08:00

In India’s version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Jamal Malik (Dev Patel of the first two seasons of UK’s “Skins”), an uneducated 18-year-old, goes as far as one question away from winning 20 million rupees. At the opening scene of the movie, we are poised with the question: How did he do it?

A. He cheated.
B. He’s lucky.
C. He’s a genius.
D. It is written.

By the end of the movie, the answer will be revealed.

Slumdog Millionaire is yet another brilliant directorial work by Danny Boyle (28 Days Later, Trainspotting, The Beach). Based on the novel “Q&A” by Vikas Swarup, the story starts with Jamal being questioned by the police regarding his easy climb towards becoming a multimillionaire. Jamal goes on to describe how every question is related to events in his life, which mostly involve his hard-hitting brother and the love of his life. The story effectively builds up to an intense climax where viewers all over India freeze in front of televisions everywhere (like a Manny Pacquiao boxing tournament for Filipinos), anticipating Jamal’s win, with the one last question which, albeit relevant to him when he was young, he does not know the answer of at all. His only resolution: Call a friend. And in another intense sequence, the person who answers the call gives him the best answer to the one life-long question that had been kept unanswered until that night—and only in a matter of 30 seconds (the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire rule).

I do not wish to give everything away, but the movie ends like a breath of fresh air. Sure, all the feel-good elements are there, but it still has the Danny Boyle touch. It has every chance at becoming a cliché, but it does not go there.

Slumdog Millionaire is probably the best movie I’ve seen this year (not counting of course that black-and-white classics that I’m getting myself acquainted with). This movie just makes you want hug the person you’re watching with and greet him/her a Happy New Year, regardless of what time of the year you watched it. Hell, I watched the movie days ago with my sister, and since I’m not the loving big brother type, I just smiled at her. Hence, I’m making up for it in this quasi-review.

Hugs, everyone! And Happy New Year!

Slumdog Millionaire. Directed by Danny Boyle. Co-director, India: Loveleen Tandan. Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy, based on the novel by Vikas Swarup. Starring: Dev Patel, Freida Pinto, Madhur Mittal, et al.

Photo taken from IMDB.com

Lead Character Learns How to Cook

2008-12-26T21:03:00.008+08:00

(Season One, Episode 08)

Before today, LEAD CHARACTER has never cooked anything real, unless you count scrambled eggs and instant noodles with egg real. (Hmmm... in a way, LEAD CHARACTER has a fascination with eggs.) LEAD CHARACTER has always wanted to learn how to cook something real, or something that takes more than 15 minutes to cook. He asked his MOTHER before if she could teach him her own treatment of Estufado, but they both never had the time.

But since it's a long Christmas vacation, LEAD CHARACTER figures that this might be the perfect time to learn how to cook. So he searches online for a recipe of your traditional, everyday pancakes, after which he goes to the grocery store to buy the ingredients.

Half-way through his cooking, LEAD CHARACTER starts to feel exhausted. But he pushes on. This has got to be a feat that anyone can manage.

Finally, he produces his very first pancake.

And soon enough, he finishes one complete with butter and maple syrup. Both his MOTHER and FATHER taste it. They smirk at LEAD CHARACTER then proceed to watching the evening news. Yes, LEAD CHARACTER cooked the pancakes at dusk. And whatever his parents' smirk meant, LEAD CHARACTER will never know.
Tomorrow, LEAD CHARACTER will try cooking Seared Ostrich Filet with Heirloom Tomato Risotto and Abalone Reduction. But if it turns out his company no longer has the ostriches in their cages, he will try instead cooking Sweet Black Chicken and Salty Geoduck nestled with Quinoa and Two Cucumber Ribbons.
Happy New Year everyone!

Sheer Torture

2008-11-03T22:58:00.002+08:00

Waiting for the next season.

Grammar Weekly - Quotation Marks

2008-10-19T23:33:00.005+08:00

While on a cab, Lead Character and his friends engaged in an argument regarding proper punctuation when quotation marks are involved. The argument was inspired by an email trail started by Lead Character's Canada-based friend DropDeadGorgeous, who inquired about the particular subject matter. Lead Character and his friends never did find closure for their argument, because his friends didn't believe him when he said that periods are always inside quotation marks, even with a novel to back him up. Now armed with references, Lead Character would like to impart the following facts:

Commas and periods are always inside quotation marks, no matter how logic dictates it.

"Dirty Sexy Money," "Fringe," "True Blood," and "Gossip Girl" are a few of the TV shows that Lead Character enjoys watching these days.

"I regret always coming in late for my Stat 102 classes," Lead Character said.

Lead Character is currently training himself to be "vegetarian."

Question marks and exclamation points are placed as per logic.

Is Lead Character serious about his ambition to turn "vegetarian"?

It can't be! He's a frickin' "carnivore"!

Please note that these rules are American English. If you want to write the British-English way, that's your problem.

References:
"Elements of Style," by William Strunk and E.B. White
http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/quotes.asp
http://www.whitesmoke.com/punctuation-quotation-marks-titles-conventions.html

Chopping Green Tomatoes

2008-10-15T23:03:00.002+08:00

(Season One, Episode 07)

It’s almost noon and LEAD CHARACTER can see an ice cream vendor outside the window blowing the horns out of his bicycle-driven drum of ice cream. LEAD CHARACTER recoils at the noise. His head is pounding, his mouth dry, and his ass sore (though in a good way). He chugs on a bottle of water to quench his gargantuan (hehe, gargantuan) thirst. Then the young man with a FLAT STOMACH enters the room.

FLAT STOMACH: My boardmates are still in the sala. Do you mind waiting for a coupla more minutes?

LEAD CHARACTER (shaking his head weakly): It’s fine. Just let me know when it’s OK to go outside because I really need to use your communal bathroom. My bladder is about to explode.

Yes, aside from the headache and the thirst and the ass-soreness, LEAD CHARACTER has been holding his pee for almost two hours. The previous night had been too irresponsible for him to recover from; bottles of Red Horse paraded like ants in his midst.

FLAT STOMACH then sits on the bed behind LEAD CHARACTER and spoons him.

FLAT STOMACH: I want a boyfriend. Will you be my boyfriend?

LEAD CHARACTER, out of politeness, giggles.

LEAD CHARACTER: That won’t be right. We don’t even know each other.

FLAT STOMACH: Why? Don’t you want a boyfriend? I want a boyfriend. I want someone to talk to.

LEAD CHARACTER: Why? Don’t you talk to your friends?

FLAT STOMACH: But I can’t hug my friends like this… (hugs Lead Character tight). And I can’t kiss them like this… (kisses Lead Character’s nape)

LEAD CHARACTER stops himself from gagging.

LEAD CHARACTER: Sorry. Relationships aren’t my thing.

FLAT STOMACH: Will you find me a boyfriend then?

LEAD CHARACTER (mental voice-over): Sure. In return, find me a beating heart for myself.

At this point, because of his own mental voice-over, LEAD CHARACTER gags. He holds the vomit from exploding out of his mouth then swallows it.

LEAD CHARACTER: Look, I really need to go.

So FLAT STOMACH heads back out of the room. In a few moments, he comes back and tells LEAD CHARACTER that it’s already safe to leave.

They sneak out of FLAT STOMACH’S boarding house after LEAD CHARACTER has peed a bucketful in the bathroom. Before hopping on a jeepney, FLAT STOMACH asks for his number. LEAD CHARACTER doesn’t want to give it, but he reconsiders “why the hell not” since he likes FLAT STOMACH’s flat stomach. It’s something that he doesn’t have.

LEAD CHARACTER sleeps the jeepney ride off from the one-hour-away-from-Ayala area to Ayala. After an hour, he arrives at Ayala. He then heads straight to the jeepney terminal where he realizes that he’s too hungry to get on another jeepney. So he goes to the Shawarma stand.

LEAD CHARACTER: One Shawarma, please. (Extends his one-hundred peso bill.)

SHAWARMA VENDOR: Do you have a smaller bill? I just started my day. I don’t have change for that.

LEAD CHARACTER (shaking his head): No, I only have this amount. I wish to god Shiva that I had the exact amount of twenty-five pesos, but I don’t.

SHAWARMA VENDOR then shrugs his shoulder and proceeds to chopping green tomatoes. LEAD CHARACTER is appalled. He waits for SHAWARMA VENDOR to turn back to him to make him his Shawarma, and perhaps do the initiative of asking for change from the next stall, but SHAWARMA VENDOR doesn’t. A GUY then comes to buy Shawarma. The guy hands SHAWARMA VENDOR a twenty-peso bill and a five-peso coin. SHAWARMA VENDOR promptly makes Shawarma for the GUY.

LEAD CHARACTER: How about mine?

SHAWARMA VENDOR: I still have no change for your hundred pesos.

SHAWARMA VENDOR then turns his back again at LEAD CHARACTER and continues chopping them green tomatoes.

Two middle-aged LADIES then come by to buy two Shawarmas. SHAWARMA VENDOR promptly makes Shawarma for them. At this point, LEAD CHARACTER feels like crying. He makes a mental note to call Persian Palate to report the asshole.

LEAD CHARACTER (shaky voice): So I’m guessing you’ll have change after this?

SHAWARMA VENDOR simply looks LEAD CHARACTER in the eye then goes back to preparing Shawarma for the two middle-aged LADIES.

LEAD CHARACTER plans to go ahead and order Shawarma anyway but then leave after SHAWARMA VENDOR has made it. He also considers just leaving, because his head is pounding and he’s thirsty again. But then, in an act of desperation, for not knowing how exactly to hurt SHAWARMA VENDOR the way SHAWARMA VENDOR has hurt his feelings, LEAD CHARACTER squeezes the middle-aged ladies’ breasts then runs away.

The End

Were They Serious?

2008-10-13T23:26:00.004+08:00

Angelica Panganiban's character (AP): Blood is thicker than canal water.

Claudine Baretto's character (CB): Blood may be thicker than water, pero sino naman ang may gusto ng infected blood... blood na infected ng HIV virus.

AP: Good luck, bitch.

CB: May the best bitch win.

Seriously! I'm not kidding! Something like that was exchanged on TV. I had to stay up late cleaning up puke on the floor.

(Photo taken from http://iisapalamangseries.blogspot.com/.)

Lead Character’s Top Ten Favorite TV Quotes

2008-10-09T23:43:00.003+08:00

This list does not necessarily reflect literary genius or life-changing profundity; just the power with which the lines were delivered relative to the characters who said them and the characters they said them to and the situations the characters were in. To put this more bluntly, this is really just about how much they had an effect on Lead Character.

10
“Destiny is a fickle bitch.”
- Ben Linus to John Locke, Lost

9
“So the thumpa thumpa continues. It always will. No matter what happens. No matter who is President. As our Lady of Disco, the divine Ms Gloria Gaynor has sung to us: We will survive.”
- Michael Novotny, Queer as Folk

8
“Hi, um, Scotty, it’s-it’s Kevin, your least favorite Martian. Look, I’ve been on your planet for 34 years and I still get a lot of things wrong like about, um, money and work and people and life and love. Everything. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think you’re amazing and funny and cute as hell and I just hope that someday, I don’t know, maybe three Martian years from now because our years are longer than yours, maybe I could be worthy of your human love and respect, whether we’re together or not.”
- Kevin Walker to Scotty Wandell (over the phone), Brothers & Sisters

7
“The real truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content. Because, then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to.”
- Ally McBeal, Ally McBeal

6
"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she’s really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."
- Meredith Grey to Derek Shepherd, Grey’s Anatomy

5
“I thought our story was epic, you know. You and me... Spanning years and continents, lives ruined, bloodshed... Epic!... But summer's almost here and we won't see each other again. And then you'll leave town, and then... it's over. I'm sorry about last summer. You know, if I could do it over... Noone writes songs about the ones that come easy.”
- Logan Echolls to Veronica Mars, Veronica Mars

4
“The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts.”
- Don Draper to Rachel Menken, Mad Men

3
“When I say, 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman.”
- Spike to Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

2
"I just wanna reach over and... But I also want to do nothing, because I wanna make sure I know you for as long as I can without fucking it up... which is, like, my special superpower. That's why I don't want to touch you. That's pretty much verbatim, moment for moment, what I was thinking when I was looking at you with the weirdness. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. You'll never be able to see yourself the way other people see you. The way I see you. Which is a shame. Because you are... I really think you have no idea how beautiful you are."
- Billy Chenowith to Claire Fisher, Six Feet Under

1
“I, Ross, take thee Rachel.”
- Ross Gellar, Friends

Turning 22

2008-10-07T23:32:00.003+08:00

(Note from the creator: This is the "pre-air" episode—then of short film "format"—of The Lead Character Chronicles—the one that started it all. Since we're out of new episodes, I guess a repost will do for now.)

This motion picture has been modified from its original version to fit the screen.

9 AM. Our lead character reads a good three pages of Frank McCourt’s “Angela’s Ashes” before he empties his cup of chocolate sundae. He’s had breakfast twice at home, but he decided nonetheless to drop by a nearby Jollibee branch to order an upsized ‘value meal’ and a chocolate sundae. After his sacrilegious third breakfast, he goes to a nearby barbershop to vacillate between getting his head shaved again and getting no haircut at all. He wants to grow his hair long, as he’s done three times before, but at the same time he does not like how his hair has presently grown.

Our lead character decides to get a normal haircut. The normal haircut turns out to be devastating on the back portion. He does not know that until he meets up with a friend a couple of hours later.

A couple of hours later, he meets up with Braille, a friend. He owes Braille some money, which is why they have to meet up. Our lead character and Braille hang out at Ecila, an outdoor restobar (I believe) with a quasi-Parisian feel at Ayala. Its patio faces Starbucks so whatever Parisian feel it has dissolves after a split second. He orders a bottle of San Mig Light and she orders shake. They chat while he smokes about five sticks of Dunhill cigarettes. Our lead character usually enjoys a pack of Dunhill cigarettes every payday. After that pack, he switches back to Marlboro Reds.

1 PM. Another friend arrives: Vanessa. Vanessa tells our lead character that his haircut is devastating on the back portion. Our lead character makes a mental note to have his haircut redone the next day. Braille then leaves the two to meet up with her boyfriend.

At this point, our lead character shares that he does not know whether or not he should host some sort of birthday party that night. His birthday is the next day yet, but that night is the only feasible night for him to host some sort of party. He calls up his friend Timothy to check if he could join them that evening. Timothy cannot as he has to defend his thesis the next day. Our lead character tries contacting his other friends. Only two of them can make it—Debbie and Hope. Kristine has work so he does not bother contacting her. Kenneth cannot be contacted. Joy does not answer any of his calls. And Cecil and Mae have some errands to run.

Nonetheless, our lead character decides to host a tiny party that night for the benefit of Vanessa. There is a possibility that Jefferson, a boy that Vanessa was infatuated with, may be able to join.

2 PM. An officemate by the name of Analyn drops by to hand our lead character some money. The money is owed to him by another officemate. Our lead character asks Analyn who else are with her. She says the rest of the sweepers* and that their plan is to have lunch at Big Mao. He tells her that maybe he’ll drop by in a little while to say hello.

2.30 PM. Our lead character orders another bottle of San Mig Light. Two other officemates drop by. First is Cyndee, who is on her way to a job interview. Second is Carina, whose name our lead character forgets. Vanessa takes the liberty to re-introduce our lead character to Carina. After the re-introduction, Carina lingers in their company to chat nonstop.

3 PM. Vanessa, Carina, and our lead character decide to have lunch. As our lead character promised, he drops by Big Mao to say hello to the sweepers. Big Mao is a Chinese restaurant with an oddly Korean feel to it. Vanessa and Carina follow suit and they decide to just have their lunch there. They order some bacon wrapped treasures and siomai and Yangchow rice (I think). After a few minutes, Cyndee arrives from her job interview and orders another dish—crispy pancit canton. Our character gets so full that he feels like throwing up. After lunch, our lead character, Vanessa, Carina, and Cyndee walk around the mall. Cyndee decides to have her picture taken at Picture City. Vanessa, Carina, and our lead character stop by Penshoppe where our lead character mistakes the fabric steamer for a vacuum cleaner.

Left with no other place to go to, they go back to Ecila. They wait for Debbie and Hope to arrive before heading off to LUVU2, formerly known as U2. A lot of things happen while they wait at Ecila. Firstly, they chat. Secondly, Vanessa orders a slice of carrot cake. Thirdly, Joy confirms that she will be catching up with them whilst they nibble on the carrot cake that Vanessa ordered. Lastly, Carina goes home to drop some things off then comes back.

Debbie and Hope then arrive. Debbie tells our lead character that she likes his haircut. When she sees the back portion, she says, “Except for that.”

Debbie and Hope then leave for a while to have dinner. Cyndee, Vanessa, and our lead character start taking pictures using our lead character’s camera phone. It is not exactly our lead character’s camera phone. He considers the keypad his, but the rest of the phone is owned for now by the credit card company.

9 PM. Our lead character, Vanessa, Debbie, Hope, Cyndee, and Carina arrive at LUVU2. It is a videoke bar with a normal videoke bar feel to it. Our lead character is disappointed that not all of his close friends are there. He aches for a time in history when he and the rest of his close friends could hang out anytime they wanted to. He starts yearning for that particular level of laughter only he and his close friends share. He starts the evening by singing ‘King of Pain’ by Sting because our lead character is melodramatic that way.

10 PM. Joy arrives and helps out Vanessa and our lead character sing ‘Quit Playing Games’ by the Backstreet Boys.

10.07 PM. Jefferson sends Vanessa a text message saying that he cannot make it.

10.11 PM. Our lead character thinks that it has been a long time since he has written a poem.

10.30 PM. Bien arrives. He is another officemate. In reality, he is a former officemate. Just like Cyndee. Bien and Cyndee just resigned but our lead character is still in denial.

As a birthday gift, our lead character requests each of his friends to sing a birthday song for him. Debbie, with her soulful voice, sings ‘Uninvited’ by Alanis Morissette. Joy sings ‘I Don’t Want to Wait,’ by Paula Cole much like Paula Cole does, but with a touch of Air Supply. Vanessa, in her own Indie rock rendition, sings “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,’ by Whitney Houston. Bien, because he can sing the song very well, sings ‘I’ll Be Over You,’ by Toto.

As initiated by Carina, our lead character then closes his eyes while Carina lights up two lighters in front of him. Our lead character makes a wish. He is spiteful because it is supposedly an unimportant wish but he cannot help prioritizing it. Our lead character opens his eyes and blows the two lit lighters.

10:55 PM. Debbie hurries to the office as she has work at 11.00 PM. Our lead character feels bad that he may be causing her to come in late. He does not want her to be late. Tardiness has caused his life a lot of hell and he wants to have Debbie stay unmarred by the type of hell he’s suffered.

11.30 PM. Our lead character says to himself, “I should have been dead by now, I should have been dead by now....”

12.00 MN. Our lead character, according to the calendar, has turned 22. He realizes that a lot of things are too overdue for him to be thankful he’s lived another year. To close the evening, he sings ‘Be My Number 2,’ by Joe Jackson for no particular reason. He pays the bill and asks his friends if he should tip the waitress, who remains standing behind him after giving him the change. His friends say don’t. Our lead character wonders why he has to ask his friends whether or not he should tip the waitress when he himself is against tipping.

End.

* Sweepers is the term used for call center agents who work at “day’s end.” They are the ones that are required to answer all the calls on queue before the bridge is closed so no more calls will get to their site.

Impulse in the Time of Flatulence

2008-10-03T23:17:00.005+08:00

(Season One, Episode 06)

LEAD CHARACTER begins to feel it while on a jeepney on the way to Mango Square: something clawing from his Descending to his Sigmoid Colon, a feeling of utter discomfort. Now, he couldn’t tell yet if it’s a lump of sharp air or a mound of fecal matter. What he knows is he has to keep his rectum closed lest something unpleasant will unveil itself on a public transportation.

He finally reaches Mango Square after what seemed like 3 years. He immediately runs to the R-Biz boutique where a financial transaction takes place. After getting his money, LEAD CHARACTER feels that the clawing force that settled in his Sigmoid Colon may have dissipated thin already, thus making it manageable to let out, so he goes to an empty corner and releases it. Yes, it’s just air, thankfully.

LEAD CHARACTER then makes his way to the mall’s exit until it occurs to him he has money in his pocket. This is one of his weaknesses. Even if he has money that’s intended for more important matters (i.e., bills, bills, bills), he always has to urge to spend some of it. So he drops by National Bookstore to see if there’s a book he can buy. LEAD CHARACTER wants to go back to reading fiction again, as the last books he’s read have been all non-fiction. He vacillates between the first Gossip Girl book and Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight. He’s worried, though, that he might not enjoy Gossip Girl as he’s already seen the first season of the TV adaptation, and the first book has been pretty much covered already by the TV series, so he considers Twilight. For this, he also has trouble deciding since he’s been getting feedback from friends that it’s nothing but this season’s Harry Potter for college kids, not to mention the allegedly cringe-worthy love quotes in it. So he goes to the Philippine Literature section to see if there’s something he could pick up. It then occurs to him that he has backlogs at home, books that he’s either only half-read or not read yet at all, and they’ve been waiting for him to pick them up. If he really wants fiction, he can just head straight home and pick one of those books up. But no, there’s money in his pocket so he has to spend some of it.

And then suddenly, it started again—that clawing force slithering its way from his Descending to his Sigmoid Colon. This time there really is no telling if it’s just air or the tangible supply of his digestive system. He goes to the back shelves, in between the Sci-Fi and the Classic Literature sections. With all the strength his anus could absorb from his entire body, he attempts to stop the discharge.

He fails.

A trail of thick, tube-like lump of musty air makes its way through his jeans to all of the A-F Bestsellers shelves.

Weakened by the feat, he staggers his way out of the shelves then picks a random book up along the way. While in line for the cashier, he realizes he’s picked Chuck Palahniuk’s Rant. He’s not familiar with Palahniuk’s work. He didn’t even see Fight Club. But the movie Choke has been getting some sort of hype so maybe Mr. Palahniuk is not a bad read after all.

LEAD CHARACTER goes home and reads the first few pages of Rant in the toilet. This book is funny in a promising way, he tells himself as he holds his breath for yet another solid deposit.

Morning News

2008-09-24T23:58:00.005+08:00

(Season One, Episode 05)

It’s a crisp Monday morning. LEAD CHARACTER wakes up early to have his early-morning fix of oatmeal, coffee, rice, pork chop, chop suey, and Coke. He goes online while having his breakfast. From the corner of his eyes, he sees his mother staring at him.

MOTHER: Lead Character, go get ready for work!

LEAD CHARACTER chooses to ignore his mother and blog-hops instead.

MOTHER: You’re going to be late! Get your ass moving!

LEAD CHARACTER shakes his head and pulls up WMP to play his early morning playlist: Tori Amos, Jason Mraz, Miley Cyrus, Rihanna…

MOTHER: Why won’t you listen to me?! You’re going to be late and you’ll end up taking a cab again!!!

LEAD CHARACTER heaves deep and slams the mouse hard on the desk.

LEAD CHARACTER: Will you please get off my back?!

MOTHER (pinching LEAD CHARACTER on the waist): Are you raising your voice at me?

LEAD CHARACTER: Alright, alright! I’m taking a shower!

LEAD CHARACTER stands up and heads straight to the bathroom.

LEAD CHARACTER (under his breath): Bitch!

He doesn’t like it if his morning is ruined because of his mother’s early-morning banter-cum-reprimand. He wants his mother to just let him be. If he gets to work late, then that’s his problem. It’s times like these that he wishes he moved out of the house already. But at 25, he feels that he hasn’t grown up enough yet to be responsible for himself and himself alone. He wishes he were a Gossip Girl character so it’d be easier to scheme against his family, his mother especially, for being too noisy early in the morning.

So he turns on the faucet in the bathroom to store up some water in the pail. Their water tank is so low-tech that there isn’t enough pressure for water to flow properly through their shower nozzle. If he chooses to shower, it’d only be like showering under a drizzle.

LEAD CHARACTER (singing while shampooing): What about taking this empty cup and filling it up with a little bit more of innocence….

MOTHER (O.S. from the kitchen): (something inaudible for Lead Character)

LEAD CHARACTER (annoyed): What?!

MOTHER (O.S. from the kitchen): It’s your (inaudible word). He’s (another inaudible word).

LEAD CHARACTER turns the faucet off.

LEAD CHARACTER: What the fuck did you say?

MOTHER: It’s your grandfather. He died just this morning.

LEAD CHARACTER (ghost-white): Oh.

LEAD CHARACTER begins to feel depressed. He thinks of the times he’s yelled at his MOTHER for the very little things. And now he thinks about how his MOTHER lost her mother a few years back. And now it’s his MOTHER’S father. He believes his MOTHER can now be termed as an orphan.

LEAD CHARACTER steps out of the bathroom and takes a peek at his MOTHER in the living room. Her eyes are wet and red and her mouth, a heavy frown. LEAD CHARACTER feels the urge to hold his MOTHER, to tell her he loves her, and that he’s there for her, but he isn’t one who goes for the sentimental. So he stands from a distance and attempts a consoling smile, as if to apologize for yelling at her earlier.

His MOTHER sniffles and wipes away tears as she continues to talk on the phone, telling a close friend that her father just died.

"In Memory of Lolo Togo"
I remember you as the sweetest grandfather one could hope for.

Lead Character's Acceptance Speech

2008-09-22T23:28:00.003+08:00

“Geez… this is just so unexpected. To win Outstanding Fictional Character on the Web is just… wow… I never dreamed of this. I don’t think anyone ever dreamed of this.

“Before anything else, I would like to congratulate Tina Fey for nabbing both awards in Acting and Writing. I guess I should thank you for being an inspiration to me, for always making me laugh, especially for your Sarah Palin impersonation, and for creating the character Liz Lemon, who eats as much as I do.

“I would also like to congratulate the Emmy voters for finally waking up to their senses and awarding ‘Mad Men’—one helluva exquisite show—with the Oustanding Drama Series trophy. I would like to question, though, why Michael Emerson didn’t nab the Supporting Actor award. When Alex (on ‘Lost’) was killed in front of Ben, I thought that Mr. Emerson delivered one fine performance that even deserved a lifetime achievement award. I also question why that ‘Malcolm in the Middle’ guy won Best Actor in a Drama. I didn’t even know a show such as ‘Breaking Bad’ exists. I really think the award should’ve gone to the consistently brilliant Hugh Laurie, or the intense Michael C. Hall, or the nuanced Jon Hamm. But, no, you had to award it to someone I don’t give a fig about—although that guy was OK during his ‘Malcolm in the Middle’ years.

“That being said, I’m still grateful for this award, even if there were no other nominees competing with me, and that you didn’t include this on the program earlier. It did hurt me a bit that the presenter that you chose for this award was Clay Aiken, as if you guys wanted to make a statement.

“Anywho, I would like to take this moment now to acknowledge Super Inday2x, a superheroine who will have her own segment on my show soon, and to my creator: the infamous and not-so-narcissistic ryeisdead, who’s still depressed over what’s been happening in their household.

“And last but not the least, I would like to thank… please, don’t play the music yet… wait… I’m not done yet… I would like to thank my agent—“

MICROPHONE OFF

SCREEN TO BLACK

Enemy's Lair, part 2

2008-09-22T06:47:00.002+08:00

(Season One, Episode 04)

In the CESET Office, LEAD CHARACTER waits as another violator gets briefed by a MUSTACHED GUY. MUSTACHED GUY asks VIOLATOR 1 to sign a promissory note since he cannot pay yet. Just then VIOLATOR 2 enters and sits beside LEAD CHARACTER.

After a long period of silence….

VIOLATOR 2: What’s your violation?

LEAD CHARACTER starts to feel a stinging in his eye. He pressures himself mentally not to cry.

LEAD CHARACTER: Littering. I threw a cigarette butt outside Chowking. How about you?

VIOLATOR 2: Urinating in public.

LEAD CHARACTER tries not to laugh. His eyes to slowly drop to VIOLATOR 2’s crotch.

LEAD CHARACTER (voice-over): Urinating in public… interesting….

From hereon, VIOLATOR 2 will be referred to as URINATOR.

VIOLATOR 1 leaves. URINATOR and LEAD CHARACTER are then called over by MUSTACHED GUY.

MUSTACHED GUY: Here’s the thing. You have to pay Php500 within 7 days. If you don’t, the CESET Office will file a case against you.

URINATOR and LEAD CHARACTER nod together. LEAD CHARACTER considers not paying. After all, he has a friend whose father is a lawyer. If they want war, they’ll get war. But then again, LEAD CHARACTER doesn’t want the publicity. Perhaps his war should be fought in a more furtive manner.

MUSTACHED GUY: Now, all you need to do is pay Teller 3 then come back here to hand me the receipt.

URINATOR and LEAD CHARACTER hurry to the next building where Teller 3 is situated. On their way, LEAD CHARACTER grabs URINATOR'S arm.

URINATOR: What?

LEAD CHARACTER: I want to know where this is going….

URINATOR (cocking his head): What do you mean?

LEAD CHARACTER: I mean us. The question of ‘us.’ You can’t deny that we now have a connection.

URINATOR (taking a step backwards): You’re crazy.

LEAD CHARACTER (shaking his head excitedly): No, I’m not. You don’t get it….

URINATOR: What don’t I get?

LEAD CHARACTER (overflowing with conviction): The City Hall is our enemy. It singled both of us out. We have to fight back. (He shakes URINATOR by the shoulders.) We have to destroy it before it destroys us! We have to fight this thing together!

URINATOR (shaking his head): I’m going to Teller 3. If you don’t want to pay, then don’t.

LEAD CHARACTER retreats to a nearby electrical post and sobs. It saddens him that he has no one to fight his battle with. He looks up, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. Looking at the shrinking figure of URINATOR as he walks away, LEAD CHARACTER heaves deep and promises to brave through his battles alone.

He lights a cigarette and tails URINATOR.

(Note: The original Multiply version is a lot longer. The creator has decided to cut this episode in half before there's nothing much in the original ending, anyway.)

Anorexia Nervosa in Bulgarian Bees

2008-09-21T21:59:00.003+08:00

For 30 years now, The Bookseller, a British magazine, has been awarding books with the oddest book titles with the Diagram Prize. This year, for their 30th anniversary, they awarded 1978 winner Greek Rural Postment and Their Cancellation Numbers (edited by Derek Willan, 1995) with the "Diagram of Diagrams" Prize.

The other night, Christabelle, Debbie and I went through a list of odd book titles and we came up with a unanimous favorite: Anorexia Nervosa in Bulgarian Bees, n.d.

As for me, I have the following other favorites:

Woodcarving with a Chainsaw; n.d.
Knitting With Dog Hair: Better a Sweater from a Dog You Know and Love Than from a Sheep You'll Never Meet, by Kendall Crolius; 2005 (St Martin's Griffin)
Gymnastics for Horses; n.d.
Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice (various authors); 1978 (University of Tokyo Press) *Diagram Prize Winner!
Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926
Tea Bag Folding; 2001 (Search Press)
Who's Who in Barbed Wire; 1970
Proceedings of the 18th International Seaweed Symposium; 2006
My Invisible Friend Explains the Bible; 1971
Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment; 1887
The Baby Jesus Touch and Feel Book, by Linda Parry, Alan Parry (Illustrator); 1995
1587. A Year of No Importance; n.d.
Highlights in the History of Concrete, by Slough; 1998 (Cement & Concret Assoc.); *Diagram Prize Winner!
The Coming Disaster Worse Than the H-bomb, Astronomically, Geologically and Scientifically Proven. The Coal Beds, Ice Ages, Tides, and Coming Soon, a Great Wave and Flood Caused by a Shift of the Axis of the Earth From the Gyroscopic Action of Our Solar System; 1954. Washington, DC
On Sledge and Horseback to Outcast Siberian Lepers, by Kate Marsden, Eric Newby; 2001
Do-it-Yourself Coffins: For Pets and People, by Dale Power, Jeffrey B. Snyder; 1997
People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves To Unsuspecting Bystanders and What To Do About It, by Gary Leon Hill; 2005 (Weiser Books); *Diagram Prize Winner!
How to Pick Pockets. A Treatise on the Fundamental Principle, Theory and Practice of Picking Pockets; n.d.
The Madam as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution, by Barbara Sherman Heyl; 1979; *Diagram Prize Winner!
A Toddler's Guide to the Rubber Industry, by D. Lowe; n.d.
The Benefits of Farting Explained; 1727
Old Age: Its Cause and Prevention; 1912
Scurvy Past and Present, by Alfred Hess; 1982
Nasal Maintenance: Nursing Your Nose Through Troubled Times, by William Alan Stuart; 1983
The Do-It-Yourself Lobotomy: Open Your Mind to Greater Creative Thinking, by Tom Mopnahan; 2002 (Wiley)
Psoriasis at Your Fingertips; n.d.
Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Power: How to Increase the Other 90% of Your Mind to Increase the Size of Your Breasts, by Donald L. Wilson; 1984; *Diagram Prize Winner!
How To Become a Schizophrenic, by John Modrow; 1992
What To Say When You Talk To Yourself, by Shad Helmstetter; 1982 (Grindle Press)
How To Avoid Huge Ships, by John W. Trimmer; 1992; *Diagram Prize Winner!
How To Write a How To Write Book; 2007
Recollections of Squatting in Victoria; 1833
I Was Hitler's Maid; 1953
Wrestling for Gay Guys; 1994
Lesbian Nuns, Breaking the Silence, by Rosemary Curb, Nancy Manahan; 1985
Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual, by Pat Califia; 1989; *Diagram Prize Winner!
The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions; n.d.
Jilling Off: Women's Masturbation Stories, by Rachel Bussel; 2001
Hand Grenade Throwing as a College Sport; 1918
Why Bring That Up? - A Guide to Seasickness, by JF Montague; 1936
Games You Can Play With Your Pussy - Ira Alterman, Watertown, Mass.: Ivory Tower Pub. Co 1885
The Theory of Lengthwise Rolling, by A.I.T. Sielikov, G. S. Nikitin & S. E. Rokotyan; 1982; *Diagram Prize Winner!
The Romance of Leprosy; 1949
The Romance of Proctology; 1938
Better Never to Have Been: the Harm of Coming Into Existence, by David Benatar
The Bright Side of Prison Life; 1897
Not Worth Reading; 1914
Reusing Old Graves, by Douglas Davies & Alistair Shaw; 1994; *Diagram Prize Winner!

For other book titles, click here.

Enemy's Lair (part 1)

2008-09-18T23:28:00.009+08:00

(Season One, Episode 03)

LEAD CHARACTER waits in line in the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) Office. He’s been there since six in the morning to apply for a passport for the first time. He never really intended applying for a passport, but it’s another pre-employment requirement from his current company that he hasn’t submitted yet. The other one is his TOR, which he doesn’t want to think about too much at the moment.

He feels stupid. He should have waited in line the day before, since it was a holiday in the city where his company is. But when he got to the DFA office at around ten in the morning, the security guard informed him they only give out priority numbers very early in the morning, so LEAD CHARACTER would have to come back way earlier the next day. So today, even if LEAD CHARACTER has work, he waits in line. After a couple text messages exchanged with his boss, he gets allowed to take the day off.

At around eleven, LEAD CHARACTER submits all of his forms, which have already been encoded, to the INFORMATION GIRL.

INFORMATION GIRL: You need to have your picture retaken.

LEAD CHARACTER: Huh?

INFORMATION GIRL: Your hair, it’s too close to the edge of the photo. We can’t accept this.

LEAD CHARACTER doesn’t feel like crying yet; just annoyed. He can’t understand why the DFA has to be strict on photo margins. It’s not his fault if he has a huge head with big hair. But he nods off and has his picture retaken at the DFA Multipurpose Cooperative. He suspects INFORMATION GIRL knows he didn’t have his picture taken at the DFA Coop, so he’s asked to have it retaken so the Coop can profit more from passport applicants. Government conspiracy? LEAD CHARACTER doesn’t even want to get into it yet.

His retaken picture worries him. He’s been awake since four in the morning. Naturally, he looks tired. But what comes out is not “tired.” He finds it odd that on the picture, his right eye looks a lot sleepier than his left eye. If his first picture has his hair too close to the edge, this one here now looks like he’s one of the NBI top ten most wanted. He submits the picture, anyway, and thankfully it gets accepted. He is asked to come back at one o’clock for the final step of the application: paying the cashier.

LEAD CHARACTER heads out for lunch but he’s worried that he’s already spent an extra Php150 for the photo retake. He is out of cash (like most days). So he goes to the nearest ATM (and by nearest, I mean countries away—it’s noontime; the sun is hot; any distance has to be multiplied by how hot the sun is). In the ATM vestibule, he finds a 100-peso bill lying on the floor. He looks around. No one is watching. There are certainly no cameras visible. So he nonchalantly withdraws cash (and by withdraw, I mean a Cash Advance transaction). After getting his cash, his receipt “accidentally” falls to the floor. He picks it up, devil-may-care, along with the 100-peso bill. He begins to feel weird. Upon stepping out of the ATM vestibule, he stands frozen. He looks around, unsure of what to do next. Finally, unable to stand it any longer, he approaches the SECURITY GUARD.

LEAD CHARACTER: Hi. Somebody left a 1oo-peso bill inside. (Waves the money in front of the guard.)

SECURITY GUARD (staring at the bill): Hmmm… I think I know who withdrew before you. He works just right around the corner.

LEAD CHARACTER: Mmmkay.

SECURITY GUARD: Maybe he’ll come back for that later.

LEAD CHARACTER: Of course. Here. (Hands SECURITY GUARD the money.)

SECURITY GUARD accepts.

LEAD CHARACTER walks away feeling half good and half bad. It feels good to be honest. He feels guilt-free. However, he also feels that he was being stupid. Hell, it was only a hundred pesos. If it were a million pesos, there’s no question he has to return it. But a hundred pesos? It’s just too certain no one will come back for it. He’s lost a 500-peso bill before but he never retraced his steps to look for it. He begins to hate himself for being too honest. It could have been free lunch from Fate. But the thing is, he doesn’t believe in Fate or Destiny. So he decides instead to treat himself a big lunch to cheer himself up.

He looks for the nearest KFC. KFC is his favorite fried chicken, especially the spicy ones. He also likes the color brown, and the TV show “Lost.” He also loves sipping tea alone, and smoking on a cold day. Those are a few of his favorite things. He remembers them when the dog bites. Their neighborhood dogs do bite and each time he passes by his neighbors’ houses, he shuts his eyes and wishes for the dogs to go away. But we digress.

So LEAD CHARACTER walks all around Osmeña Blvd. and Colon St. No KFC at all. By this time his shirt is dripping with sweat and he feels that he’s already sporting a tan. He decides to have Chowking instead. He orders spicy beef chao fan, siomai, siopao, and large Sprite. After the hearty meal, he goes outside for a cigarette. It’s a hot day, but he also loves smoking after eating. So he smokes. He’s switched to Marlboro Lights after a couple of years on Reds. His plan is to eventually quit smoking soon.

So he smokes and puffs and stares ahead—not just into the streets but into his future as well. He’s worried that he no longer has the drive to become anything, but he hopes that will change soon. He makes his last drag the longest and his most meaningful. Then he throws the butt into a puddle in front of him. There are already a number of cigarette butts there, anyway, not to mention an empty water bottle and a green mango seed. And then….

GUY IN YELLOW UNIFORM: Um, Sir…

LEAD CHARACTER turns around.

YELLOW UNIFORM: Naa biya ta’y City Ordinance, Sir. Dili man ta pwede molabay ug basura bisa’g asa. (Yellow Uniform starts to take out a ticket stub and a pen from his pocket.) Can I see your ID?

LEAD CHARACTER swallows a large gulp of saliva.

LEAD CHARACTER: Is this… um… are you… there’s a 500-peso fine?

YELLOW UNIFORM nods. LEAD CHARACTER hands him his ID. YELLOW UNIFORM then writes down LEAD CHARACTER'S name on the ticket.

YELLOW UNIFORM: Actually, there are three options for you. You can go there to the City Hall and say sorry, or you pay a fine of 500 pesos. Or if you can’t pay, just opt for CS.

LEAD CHARACTER: You mean Community Service? Or Caesarian?

LEAD CHARACTER cringes at the thought of being forced to give birth just for a City Ordinance violation.

YELLOW UNIFORM: Community Service, sir.

LEAD CHARACTER mulls this over. If he pays 500 pesos he doesn’t have to apologize? But if he chooses to apologize, he doesn’t have to pay? But if he can’t pay and doesn’t want to apologize, he can just render community service? LEAD CHARACTER asks YELLOW UNIFORM to clarify. YELLOW UNIFORM simply tells him it depends on what the people at the City Hall say. He is then directed to go to the City Hall later, CESET Office. If he doesn’t go there within seven days, the CESET Office will file a case against him.

LEAD CHARACTER tries to consider his odds. He can not show up at all, then find a good lawyer. The problem is, he doesn’t know who would want to represent someone for simply throwing a cigarette butt.

JUDGE: How do you plead?

LEAD CHARACTER: Your Honor! Move to strike! Move to strike!

JUDGE: What for?

ATTORNEY: Your Honor, he means he’s guilty.

JUDGE: Fifteen years in prison!

LEAD CHARACTER: But… your Honor, I’m not ready. I need to lose weight. I can’t go to prison this unattractive….

So LEAD CHARACTER goes back to the ATM and withdraws cash again. His mind goes back to the hundred pesos. He shakes his head. It wouldn’t have made any difference. But if he did take the hundred pesos and if he were this believer in God, he would have felt it was punishment, his getting caught. But he isn’t a believer, and he never did take the hundred pesos, so all he can think really is everything is just random.

After waiting in line for another three hours at the DFA to complete the final step, he walks to the City Hall. This is another long walk that renders him almost unconscious. But so far LEAD CHARACTER has managed to steel himself both physically and emotionally.

There comes a time when the hero of the story ultimately has to enter the enemy’s lair and fight his first battle. This is the time now for LEAD CHARACTER. Finally, the conspiracy has a face, an office.

In the CESET Office, LEAD CHARACTER waits as another violator gets briefed by a MUSTACHED GUY. MUSTACHED GUY asks VIOLATOR 1 to sign a promissory note since he cannot pay yet. Just then VIOLATOR 2 enters and sits beside MUSTACHED GUY.

After a long period of silence….

VIOLATOR 2: What’s your violation?

LEAD CHARACTER starts to feel a stinging in his eye. He pressures himself mentally not to cry.

LEAD CHARACTER: Littering. I threw a cigarette butt outside Chowking. How about you?

VIOLATOR 2: Urinating in public.

LEAD CHARACTER tries not to laugh. His eyes to slowly drop to VIOLATOR 2’s crotch.

LEAD CHARACTER (voice-over): Urinating in public… interesting….

To be continued….

Brad Pitt's True Blood

2008-09-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

An argument sparked online as to whether or not the new HBO skein “True Blood” is a metaphor for homosexuality. There are indeed parallels. In “True Blood,” vampires have “come out of the coffin” to be recognized as one with the human society. Since the Japanese made synthetic blood called TruBlood (which are available in bottles at the nearest supermarket!), vampires have become less of a threat to humans. Humans have begun to accept them. However, there are still those that don’t. Hence, Vampire Rights is being fought for. In the opening credits, there is even a shot of a sign that says “God Hates Fangs,” which, according to one IMDB user, you can just take out the “n” and you get… that’s right.

Some viewers say it’s not just about homosexuality but the minority in general. Maybe it really is all about the latter, but in any case, I still believe it depends on the viewer. I prefer watching “True Blood” as a metaphor for homosexuality, because it speaks more to me that way. I’m not really in the minority anyway since I’m from the Philippines and I’m poor. So I’m part of the economic majority in my country and WE KICK ASS!

Unfortunately, I am not hypnotized yet by the TV show itself. Two episodes into it and I’m still hoping I’d develop an obsession. The show is created by Allan Ball and I was a huge fan of “Six Feet Under” and American Beauty. I want another Allan Ball craze in my life. I’m hoping that in time, the show would really surface as a metaphor for homosexuality and it would show something enormously true and fresh and relevant. For now, the only relevant thing is Anna Paquin (who plays the heroine Sookie Stackhouse). Her performance here is just so brilliant I’m sure the Oscar voters back in 1993 are now rejoicing that they gave her the Oscar statuette for Best Supporting Actress when she was still a girl of mere eleven; they made the right decision after all (unlike having Crash win in 2006).

In other gay news (this time not of metaphorical material), Brad Pitt just donated $100,000 in support of same-sex marriage [click here to read full story]. I really like it when someone clear-headed fights for something that isn’t even really any of his/her concern as he/she isn’t even directly affected. Gay rights does not really affect Brad Pitt as a straight male, but I’m glad he recognizes his need to be affected as a fellow human being.

This gets me into wondering, though, if gay rights is ever being fought for here in the Philippines. I don’t even think any group out there is fighting to have same-sex marriage legalized. Maybe if Danton Remoto were to become Senator, maybe then. Sadly, the Ladlad party list wasn’t even recognized as legit. I read the Editor’s Note for the book “Ladlad 3” and I just wanted to throw things all over, including my one-year-old nephew.

Return of Merchandise

2008-09-16T22:50:00.004+08:00

(Season One, Episode 02)

LEAD CHARACTER has returned home safely. Over a month has passed. On this one particular night, LEAD CHARACTER is nursing a hangover for having had almost four full glasses of bullfrogs the other night. Bullfrog is a great drink, but only if you have a glass. More than a glass usually spells inappropriate laughing at people with disabilities and sleeping for over four hours in an Internet Cafe. But that is another story. Tonight LEAD CHARACTER still feels a little bit drunk. He craves for spicy beef-flavored instant noodles with egg. So he goes out to the nearest sari-sari store (right next to his house).

LEAD CHARACTER: Do you have spicy beef-flavored instant noodles?

SON OF VENDOR: Yes, we do, Lead Character.

LEAD CHARACTER: I would like to buy one, please, Son of Vendor.

LEAD CHARACTER'S gaze shifts to the SON OF VENDOR'S father (which by default just makes him VENDOR). The VENDOR is old. He’s probably in his late fifties. He is wearing a sleeveless shirt and LEAD CHARACTER has a hard time deciding if the VENDOR'S arms are all muscles, or all bones wrapped in veins.

LEAD CHARACTER (cont’d): And one egg.

SON OF VENDOR goes on to get the noodles and egg. But…

SON OF VENDOR: I’m sorry but we’re out of spicy ones. Just plain beef.

LEAD CHARACTER considers this for a minute. He decides that it’s too tiring to go to another sari-sari store.

LEAD CHARACTER: It’s fine. Plain beef will do.

So LEAD CHARACTER gets the egg and the plain beef-flavored instant noodles and pays. He goes home and boils water. While waiting for the water to boil, LEAD CHARACTER realizes that he’s horny. He makes a mental note to masturbate later.

The water boils. LEAD CHARACTER gets a large bowl to beat the egg in. Upon breaking the egg, he finds that it’s bad. Real bad. It has blood.

LEAD CHARACTER looks up and tries to come up with a next plan of action. He knows the right thing to do is to return the egg and ask for another one. But LEAD CHARACTER is not exactly a force of nature. In fact, one has to wonder why he is even a lead character when he does not have a strong enough personality to go through life. He heaves and recalls all those times that he never asked for the 50-centavo change in his numerous jeepney rides to and from work. The jeepney fare is Php6.50. But somehow, drivers seem to think that LEAD CHARACTER is more than happy to pay his entire Php7.00 without asking for a change.

LEAD CHARACTER gathers himself together and goes back to the sari-sari store with the bowl of bloody egg.

LEAD CHARACTER: Hi. Can I have this egg exchanged with a fresh one? It’s bad. (Shows the bowl.)

SON OF VENDOR looks to his father, questioning.

VENDOR (to LEAD CHARACTER): I’m sorry. We have a no-return policy.

LEAD CHARACTER is taken aback.

LEAD CHARACTER: But the egg you just sold me is bad. It has blood. Look. (Tilts the bowl further so it’s visible to the veiny-armed Vendor.)

VENDOR (shaking his head, smiling smugly): I’m sorry, we can’t accept that. We
ourselves cannot return it to the store we bought it from.

LEAD CHARACTER feels like crying.

LEAD CHARACTER: But it’s not my fault your egg is bad.

VENDOR: I’m sorry, kid. But it’s just not possible.

LEAD CHARACTER continues to hold back his tears.

LEAD CHARACTER (bowing his head low): OK.

LEAD CHARACTER goes back home, his breathing by this time a lot heavier than on ordinary days. He hurls the bowl of bad egg towards the wall. His MOTHER jolts up from watching TV.

MOTHER: What’s wrong?

LEAD CHARACTER (sobbing): They won’t replace the egg. (Now yelling) They won’t replace the goddamn egg!

LEAD CHARACTER starts throwing things away: their 30-inch flat-screen TV, their printer-copier-scanner-in-one, monobloc chairs….

MOTHER: Calm down, hijo! Calm down!

LEAD CHARACTER'S mother pins him down to the floor.

LEAD CHARACTER: Get off of me! He’s not replacing the egg!

It dawns on LEAD CHARACTER that all of this is probably some big government conspiracy that goes all the way up to the City Hall, Return of Merchandise Office. Come to think of it, what happened to him at the medical center may have been another conspiracy that goes all the way up to the City Hall, Medical Exam Office.

MOTHER (whispering in LEAD CHARACTER'S ear): Hush now, child. It’s all going to be OK.

LEAD CHARACTER'S heaving slows and lightens.

LEAD CHARACTER (voice-over): Yes, it’s all going to be OK. I’m going to have my revenge. Not to the Vendor, not to the medical receptionist who thought I was thirty-five years old, but to the government. The government is going to pay.

Screen blackens.

Moral of the story: The customer is always right, but sometimes hurt.

See you all next time!

Fringe

2008-09-16T00:01:00.003+08:00

A lot of X-Philes claim that Fringe is nothing but an X-Files rip-off. And they immediately dismiss the show as lousy.

I saw the pilot episode over the weekend, and though the premise can be likened to The X-Files (in that it involves the FBI solving cases involving the paranormal), it also has a mix of Alias (for all the fast-paced action), and Lost (for an elaborate mythology yet to be uncovered). And the result, for me, is just breathtaking. This isn’t saying that this new TV show is better than The X-Files (an obsolete thing that the X-Philes have to get over soon) or Alias or Lost (still the best show ever). This is just saying that for me, Fringe is good enough all by itself.

Fringe refers to “fringe science,” an area of science that deals with things like mind control, teleportation, invisibility, and reanimation—it’s fringe, after all—and the likes. The show’s myth hasn’t been elaborated on yet, but here are a few events cited in the story:

• John Thompson, a normal kid, went missing back in ‘98, reappeared last month halfway around the world—hadn’t aged a day.
• In the past few months, 46 other children who went missing that same year turn up—same story.
• A local fisherman off the coast of Sri Lanka reports a low-flying plane emitting a high-pitched frequency that blows out all their windows. An hour later, same spot, an 8.7 subsurface earthquake creates a tsunami that kills 83,000 people.
• A patient in Lisbon who woke up after years in a coma began writing—just numbers. They turn out to be exact real-time coordinates of the U.S. air-carrier battle groups in the Pacific, intel that’s classified as above Top Secret.

These events are called “the Pattern, as if someone out there is experimenting, only the whole world is the lab.” I have to admit, because of Lost (and probably because of Harry Potter), I have developed a taste for highly elaborate mythology that I will have to be patient for to get to the bottom of (I have to wait until 2010 to get to the bottom of Lost, goddamn you). “Fringe” might just be another one of those delightful treats.

The pilot episode introduces us to FBI agent Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv), who gets tasked to investigate a possible terrorist attack. Her investigation leads her to needing the expertise of mad scientist Walter Bishop (John Noble). But to get to the doctor, Olivia has to blackmail Walter’s son, Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson), who happens to be another genius but doesn’t quite care enough in life to live in order (read: gambling debt). I admit that doesn’t sound a lot, but that was a three-sentence synopsis. The episode is an hour and twenty minutes long, like the length of a simple movie. But Fringe isn’t a simple movie; it’s a TV show whose pilot has an estimated budget of $10 million dollars, and that’s not bad at all.

As for the performances, Anna Torv does quite a decent job. But it’s probably because she looks like a cross between Cate Blanchett and Naomi Watts, and her acting is like Ellen Pompeo’s, but with more heart. John Noble, though, is quite exceptional as the mad scientist. I can imagine him going head-to-head with Michael Emerson in next year’s Emmys. As for Joshua Jackson… well, I guess he’s one of those actors whose acting doesn’t change despite the character he/she is playing (like Milo Ventimiglia and Kris Aquino). But his eyes… there’s something about Joshua Jackon’s eyes that makes you want him to just stare at you. Maybe his eyes are a part of the mythology that’s why he was cast.

Medical Exam: A Horror Story

2008-09-15T07:30:00.005+08:00

(Season One, Episode 01)

Our LEAD CHARACTER enters the clinic with an 8.5x11 bond paper. It has a medical endorsement form printed on it. It’s 1:25PM, but thankfully it isn’t your usual hot summer day so sweat isn’t seeping through the underarms of his shirt yet.

LEAD CHARACTER: Hi, I was endorsed by HugeHands Entertainment for a medical exam….

RECEPTIONIST: Your name is?

LEAD CHARACTER: My name is Lead Character.

LEAD CHARACTER: (checks list) Oh, yeah. Lead Character. There you are, from HugeHands Entertainment, right?

LEAD CHARACTER nods.

RECEPTIONIST: How old are you?

LEAD CHARACTER: Twenty-five.

RECEPTIONIST: (nonchalantly) OK…. I’ll endorse you to our Medical Technologist and she’ll take it from there.

LEAD CHARACTER is endorsed to the MEDICAL TECHNOLOGIST.

MEDTECH: Hi, Lead Character, right? How old are you?

LEAD CHARACTER: Twenty-five.

MEDTECH nods and jots down notes. She draws blood from LEAD CHARACTER. LEAD CHARACTER studies her face closely. She looks so damn familiar.

MEDTECH then hands LEAD CHARACTER two plastic cups with the label: Lead Character, 25M, HugeHands Entertainment.

MEDTECH: Sir, one cup is for your urine sample, the other is for your stool. For the urine, just get what’s in between.

Questioning look from LEAD CHARACTER.

MEDTECH: What I mean, sir, is disregard the first drops of pee as well as the last one. And make sure your urine goes up to here. (MEDTECH marks the cup with a pen.)

LEAD CHARACTER: Got it.

MEDTECH: As for your stool, sir, peanut-size will do.

LEAD CHARACTER nods. But deep inside he’s worried as his stool is usually arm-size.

LEAD CHARACTER: (to himself) I can do this.

He gets the cups from MEDTECH and goes straight to the john. There’s no tissue. LEAD CHARACTER wonders if they expect him to wash his ass later on the sink. He goes out and back to MEDTECH'S lab.

LEAD CHARACTER: Hi, do you have tissue?

MEDTECH: They have at the reception.

LEAD CHARACTER goes straight to the reception area. The entire cast with non-speaking role is there: sullen mother, dreadlocked-but-effing-hot father, sick toddler, aunt-looking woman, grandmother-looking lady, and aunt-looking gentleman.

LEAD CHARACTER: Do you have tissue?

A GUY IN UNIFORM WITH AN OBSCURE JOB hands LEAD CHARACTER a tissue. LEAD CHARACTER accepts promptly. As he is about to leave….

RECEPTIONIST: Thirty-five to, Sir, noh? Imong age?

LEAD CHARACTER (aghast): Di oi! Two. Five. Twenty-five.

RECEPTIONIST: Ay sorry.

The entire cast choruses in laughter.

LEAD CHARACTER goes back to the john and pees accordingly to MEDTECH'S rule. For the stool sample, it takes him quite some time. He places the cup as best as he can directly below his anus and holds his breath.

One, two three….

He checks the cup. Nothing.

One more time…. One, two….

Still nothing in the cup. His forehead is already dripping with beads of sweat. He berates himself for having taken a dump already that morning.

One last try….

There. Not exactly peanut-size, but he’s sure MEDTECH has nothing against almonds.
He sanitizes himself then goes back to MEDTECH'S lab. He places the cups on the designated tray.

MEDTECH: You’re done?

LEAD CHARACTER nods. He stares at MEDTECH'S face again. She does look so damn familiar.

MEDTECH: OK, tell Receptionist you’re done and they’ll assist you with the X-Ray.

LEAD CHARACTER goes to RECEPTIONIST and tells her that he’s done.

RECEPTIONIST: OK, Sir, Guy in Uniform With an Obscure Job will take you to the X-Ray lab. After they’ve taken your X-Ray, you can go home. We’ll just endorse the results to HugeHands.

LEAD CHARACTER: OK, thank you.

OBSCURE GUY: Sir, just follow me.

As LEAD CHARACTER and OBSCURE GUY are about to leave…

RECEPTIONIST (full volume): Sir, twenty-five jud ka noh?

LEAD CHARACTER nods and imagines feeding RECEPTIONIST with his almond-sized stool sample. Outside, he follows OBSCURE GUY. After several minutes, LEAD CHARACTER realizes that they’re still not at the X-Ray lab.

LEAD CHARACTER: Where’s the X-Ray lab?

OBSCURE GUY: We have to ride a jeepney, sir. It’s near the City Hall.

LEAD CHARACTER holds back his tears.

LEAD CHARACTER: I don’t know where the City Hall is. I’m not from here.

OBSCURE GUY: It’s OK. I’ve taken expats there before.

LEAD CHARACTER nods. After a long period of silence….

LEAD CHARACTER: That MedTech girl, what’s her name?

OBSCURE GUY: Her? It’s [I forgot what he said].

LEAD CHARACTER: OK… her last name?

OBSCURE GUY: Ducay.

LEAD CHARACTER (dawn of realization): Ah! She’s a former classmate’s sister.

After one jeepney ride, they get to the X-Ray lab. LEAD CHARACTER no longer knows whichever part of the city they are and how to get home. OBSCURE GUY chats with the X-RAY RECEPTIONIST as Lead Character gets called on to have his X-Ray taken. He takes a deep heave and he imagines the insides of his smoker lungs get taken a snapshot of. Maybe he won’t get the job after all. Maybe once the medical results are in, HugeHands Entertainment will realize from the X-Ray that he has thirty-year-old lungs and he’ll get disqualified for lying, for telling them he’s ten years younger. Then when he gets home he’ll confront his parents and they’ll tell him that he really is thirty-five years old, that RECEPTIONIST isn’t mistaken.

X-RAY TAKER: Sir, it’s done. You can put your shirt back on.

LEAD CHARACTER: Thank you.

LEAD CHARACTER says ‘thank you’ a lot as he is naïve that way. He grabs his shirt then puts it back on. Outside, OBSCURE GUY is nowhere to be found. He asks X-RAY RECEPTIONIST where OBSCURE GUY is and it turns out he’s already gone, deserting our dear LEAD CHARACTER in the middle of nowhere.

With tears flowing from his eyes, LEAD CHARACTER raises his hands to his head and kneels on the floor. And in a scream that seems to resonate like the Ten Commandments, LEAD CHARACTER curses the heavens.

I’M ALL ALOOONE!!!

Witnesses of what has transpired describe the events as a deeply moving outpouring of emotions from a misunderstood twenty-five-year old.

Who Is Lead Character?

2008-09-14T23:02:00.009+08:00

Lead Character is a twentysomething underachiever in dire need of an epiphany. His semi-fictional life was first chronicled when he turned twenty-two. However, the first official episode (the Pilot, so to speak), which takes place when Lead Character is already twenty-five years old, was launched on April 26th, 2008 in a Multiply.com blog. The episode received generally good reviews and the ratings were decent enough for a followup episode.

On September 14th, 2008, after losing Php300 in the casino, the creator of The Lead Character Chronicles decided to give the show its own portal. Hence this site. At the inception of this separate and dedicated portal for The Lead Character Chronicles, three episodes (excluding the previously mentioned "turning twenty-two" episode) have already appeared, the third one being a two-parter. Those three previous episodes will be reposted here to officially launch The Lead Character Chronicles, a blog-slash-TV series that critics claim to be a genre on its own.